


Come So Far

by Evanna_Adams



Series: Old Stars [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Bucky Is a Good Bro, Endgame Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Gerald - Freeform, I love my boys, I'll add tags as a I go, M/M, MCU Rewrite, Marriage, No Major Character Death, One Night Stands, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tattoos, Tattoos will be a part of the next story but this has the seeds sown, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, amiable breakup, not exactly canon compliant, sam is a good bro, too sleepy right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2020-12-02 02:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20967116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanna_Adams/pseuds/Evanna_Adams
Summary: Based on the gorgeous Tattoo AU by https://pineapplebread.tumblr.com/.------------------Steve falls in love with Tony slowly but deeply. Tony loves him back but they never talk about it. Life tests their relationship over and over again. It suffers cracks and scratches but never breaks. In the end, all there is left is to salvage the broken with love.-------------------Steve: https://pineapplebread.tumblr.com/post/186499787799/spideypoolmymoonandstars-replied-to-your-postTony: https://pineapplebread.tumblr.com/post/186561781389/hi-and-welcome-to-part-two-of-my-thirsthttps://pineapplebread.tumblr.com/post/186908445200/more-tony-for-the-tattoo-au-so-anyways-my-whole





	1. At the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pineapplebreads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineapplebreads/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Tattoo Steve](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/525815) by pineapplebreads. 

> This part won't be about the tattoos. This part builds on the canon towards Tony and Steve. These are all Jay's headcanons with some fevered discussions I've had with her at night (my night; and I was fevered). 
> 
> \------------------
> 
> I'm very sleepy and tired. So, I will love you if you ignore the summary. All I could make it sound like was a cheap romance novel cover. 
> 
> Also, there are mistakes. I'll try my best to fix them. Sorry!

Bucky leaned over towards his best friend, grinning widely.

“What?” Steve asked, brows furrowing. He didn’t trust that look. That look meant trouble.

"Stevie,” Bucky drawled, leaning over further, teetering dangerously on the stool.

Steve kicked at his stool ineffectually and huffed, going back to the sketch he was working on. “What do you want?”

Bucky Barnes was six when he had seen a tiny human screaming loudly at a large man who had been beating up a dog. The man had just been gearing up to hit Steve too, alcohol potent on his breath when Bucky had jumped in. If asked now what he had been planning to do, he had no plans but a loud greeting aimed at the little boy and cheerfully leading him away worked wonders. The large man and the strange kid had stared at Bucky, confused. They had been at the corner when Steve finally spoke up but had sobered quickly when the realisation hit that Bucky was holding the dog in his arms. The apology and gratitude that followed had amused Bucky to no end and added to Steve's distress. Bucky had found from an offended Steve that he was in his school in the same grade. How Bucky had never seen him before was a mystery. Since then they had been inseparable, mostly because Bucky wouldn’t leave Steve alone. He remained predisposed to danger, no matter how many times Bucky saved him. After Steve’s mother’s death, they had enrolled at Auburndale Art School together.

Steve still wondered sometimes whether Bucky even wanted to study art. Whenever he brought it up, Bucky would just roll his eyes at him. (“I don’t have my life figured out like you, punk. This ain’t a favour to ya. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.”)

“So, Dolores, you know her, right?”

Dolores, or Dot, was a pretty redhead who Bucky liked. She worked as a receptionist at the YMCA and had been charmed by the three-time welterweight boxing champion.

Steve abandoned his sketch in favour of giving him a look that asked what stupid thing Bucky was planning now. They had mastered the art of judgmental silence a year within their friendship. 

“Oh, come on. Remember the freezer truck? That was fun, right?” 

Steve wasn't sure what part of the waiting on the side of the road for hours before getting a ride in a freezer truck because they had blown their money on hot dogs was _fun_, but that wasn't the point. “I don’t like where this is going, Buck.”

“I want to buy Dot a present and the train money is all I can spare.” He looked beseechingly at Steve.

When had Steve ever been able to deny Bucky anything? Instead of answering, he rolled his eyes at Bucky hoping that he’d assume the right answer.

“I love you, bud,” Bucky responded victoriously, turning back to his charcoals, raising his arms overhead in victory briefly.

Steve hid his smile behind a well-timed cough.

~*~

Steve pressed the brush against the coarse paper, watching the paint spread along the pencil lines. A granite pencil drawing of his mother smiled at him from the paper and held all his attention. He was not even startled by Bucky, who had been committed to stealing all the blue paint that he had mixed since the class started. Steve ignored him, concentrating on the painting. It was another few minutes when Bucky didn’t return for the paint that Steve finally looked up.

The entire class was distracted by a panting man talking urgently with their professor. The professor took off his glasses, wiping them slowly with a handkerchief. Putting them back on, he eyed his students with a small sad smile.

“We are at war,” he announced, gravely as though he had been expecting to say it.

The class broke out in chaos. Steve stayed where he was, one arm suspended in the air with his brush resting against the paper. His hand slipped leaving a dark smear over the sketch. Belatedly, he was grateful that he hadn't ruined the face but everything felt miles away. He finally looked over at Bucky, who was stoically staring at his hands.

“We have to enlist,” Steve murmured with a tone that brooked no argument.

Bucky could only nod.

~*~

Goldie’s Boxing Gym was two blocks from the school. Bucky loved the place. His championships had taken him there often enough for the entire gym and the staff to recognise him. They were pleased to entertain the champion. And, at least, his presence meant that everyone hid their mirth behind fists when they saw Steve.

Steve stuck his chin up in the air whenever they entered the gym. He had a higher purpose and he wouldn’t let them ruin his day.

Especially when he could ruin his own day.

The boxing wasn’t going well. Bucky was trying. He really was, but Steve couldn’t go for long. He needed to pause for breath often. He got tired easily; he was weak. But he started getting punches in that wasn’t just Bucky taking pity on him. Bucky’s smile at those points was blinding.

Two weeks later, they enlisted at the New York Center. Bucky went first and got in. He grinned at Steve over his shoulder, giving him a thumbs up.

“Rogers, Steven.”

Steve rushed over to the man, excited. He held out his form to the man, who looked unimpressed, staring at Steve from over his glasses. He adjusted them to look over the form and sighed when he got to the part with his listed illnesses. Without a word, he put the 4F stamp and handed the form back.

Steve clutched the piece of paper, not letting his tears fall and stalked out the center. Bucky came out a while later, looking for Steve. He fell in place beside Steve on the stairs, knocking their shoulders together. He ignored the tear tracks on Steve’s face.

“Let’s go get hot dogs.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Great! More for me. Come on, punk.”

“Jerk.” A smile.

~*~

Bucky left and Steve stayed behind, promising to look after himself. Art school was history by then, so, Steve found a job as an illustrator with a local newspaper. If it was a peaceful time, Steve would have loved his job, but the strips were a constant reminder of the army at the borders fighting for their country. The only silver lining was that the pay was enough to keep his apartment and his medication. When Bucky came home over the next few years from training, Steve could see that his eyes were losing the peaceful quality to them. He was angry and there was an undercurrent of it following the man around. But Bucky was good at keeping it under the wraps. Steve would never admit it but he was jealous of Bucky. He wanted to be at the border, fighting. But he knew that Bucky knew anyway. They always knew everything about each other.

In 1943, Bucky was back for two weeks before he would be shipped out. He looked excited. It was contagious and Steve tamped down his own resentment. Bucky was there. Of course, that didn’t mean he had stopped trying. When it was almost time for Bucky to leave, he tried again. This time as Steve from Paramus.

4F. Rejected.

The man in the theatre really didn’t have to say much to get on Steve’s bad side. There was some exhilaration in fighting in an alley, but not when he was losing. Bucky came in time; as he always did. He tried not to be offended by the “size” comment.

“You get your orders?”

“The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out to England first thing tomorrow.”

Bucky didn’t sound proud. He sounded matter-of-fact.

“I should be going.” I should be coming with you.

Bucky caught his eyes for a second before breaking into a smile and tugging Steve out of the alley. “Come on, man. My last night. Need to get you cleaned up.” He tossed the enlistment form away.

“Why? Where are we going?”

Bucky handed him the paper. World Exposition of Tomorrow. 1943. “The future.”

~*~

That night changed everything. Bucky was gone and Steve finally, finally, had a shot.

A week went past, and Steve was big. Bigger than he had thought possible.

He went inside the tube 90 pounds and came out twice his own size and bulkier. He could breathe easily for the first time in his entire life. He ran a hand over his face. Unknown. He didn’t have much time to think about it before he was running after Dr Erskine’s murderer.

It was only that night when Steve had a moment to himself that he looked down his body. Stripping off all his clothes – they were too small for him now anyway, he stepped in front of the tiny bathroom mirror.

His face was wider, and his eyes weren’t too big for his face anymore. His ears looked normal-sized. Even his hair was glossier and healthy-looking. When Steve tugged at the mirror on the wall, it creaked and then came easily. He had pulled it off the hinges easily. Eyes tracked his strong fingers. They were thicker now. He looked at his corded forearms, a pronounced elbow and thick arms. His pecs were more defined against his washboard abs. His waist was narrow and his hips jutted out. Steve had only seen this in pictures and illustrations. But he looked like one of the men who showed up for their classes sometimes for them practice sketching now. Muscles in his legs shifted in tandem as he fidgeted at the thought of standing naked in front of a class.

Everything about him was beautiful.

He should be happy. He should be excited.

But then why wasn’t he.

He still felt 90 pounds and a head shorter than Bucky. He still saw the same man, terrified, staring back at him through the mirror still clutched within his white fingers. This big perfect body didn’t belong to him. This person was a stranger and when Steve scrutinised his reflection even longer, he didn’t see what Dr Erskine had seen in him.

At least his eyes hadn’t changed. At least, they looked exactly the same. His mother’s eyes.

What would his mom say about this? Would she hate him?

No, she was always proud of Steve.

But was he proud of himself?

~*~

Tattoos were a soldier thing. Martin Hildebrandt had taken New York City by storm in 1870 marketing his tattoos to people who couldn’t afford an overseas trip. The first ones to heed to the call were soldiers in the American Civil War, painting themselves with reminders of home before going to war. Martin built his brand post that, but Paul Rogers was the one who truly carried the patriotic art on his shoulders and his technology – inspiring Ed Hardy and others. The men carried reminders of their lovers, reminders of the reason they stood there, and, most importantly, naked ladies. Of course, they were covered up later to avoid getting thrown out of the army.

Steve was mostly around the USO girls at first while he pranced about as a showstopper singing about war bonds and killing Hitler. They were neat and petite. It was the first time in Steve’s life that he had such relentless companionship from women who enjoyed being around – who stared at him and desired him. They went to any length to get his attention. However, they didn’t have to try that much. Steve noticed. The attention prickled at his skin. He still had trouble settling inside his body. It felt like wearing Bucky’s clothes, without the warmth – two sizes too big and Steve was drowning. He drowned every night. He fooled around with a few women, hoping to get used to his lumbering body but nothing helped. Even Peggy made him feel like he didn’t belong inside this shell.

So, he drowned every night in his bunk and woke up gasping for air.

One night at one of the military camps on the Western Front, he walked through the field where the tents had been set up. Afternoon and evening had been devoted to the war bonds commercials, kissing baby’s heads and posing with important people. The soldiers had no time for him. They mocked him in his face and Steve didn’t blame them. His talents were wasted here, no matter how much his manager disagreed with him. No matter how many times he contacted Captain Phillips.

It was for the first time at that camp that Steve saw a shirtless man with tattoos across his chest, arms and back. They spoke a story of love for his country and Steve was entranced. The way the man moved spoke volumes to how much he enjoyed the way the tattoos caught people’s eyes. He had them on display for everyone to see. Cigarette smoke clouded around his face as he laughed at something his tentmate said.

Steve made his way over to the men. “Hi,” he called out, a little awkward. He stood straighter, hoping to look more confident.

“Hey,” the tattooed man drawled, spitting to a side. He took a swig from his bottle of Coca Cola, eyes still on Steve.

He cleared his throat slightly but hoped that his discomfort didn't show. “Does anyone on the base make tattoos like yours?” He gestured at the man’s bare chest.

The man sat up fluidly in a way that made the tattoos even more prominent to Steve. “Yer lookin’ to gettin' tattoos?” he asked, grinning widely.

“Yes.” Sure, and to the point.

“Go over ‘bout five tents to your left. Can’t miss him. Leaves ‘em moanin’,” the man kept grinning like a Cheshire cat as Steve thanked him and started to walk away.

“Captain America,” the other man spat on the ground. “Thinks he’s a real soldier boy if he got a tattoo,” he added, twisting his mouth. The words were whispered between the two, but Steve heard them anyway – damn, his super hearing.

He heard the following laugh, his ears ringing with the noise. He trudged on towards the source of the noise. The army camp was loud, but he could tell by the noise that this was a larger group of men. He stepped towards them carefully. He saw that they were all crowded around two men. One of them was prone on the ground, shuddering with pain and the other worked on his back with a pen leaving sure black lines after him. The soldier’s skin looked red and angry around the tattoo. It was a flag from what Steve could see.

It was almost done, so, Steve waited, trying not to attract any attention towards himself. He was unsuccessful, of course. The men whispered around him, guffawing with laughter. Steve felt even more uncomfortable in his skin. His body betrayed him no matter what. Before, he was too small, too ill and too weak. Now, he was too big, too strong and too perfect. He could never win, but at least his body had been his – now he was walking around in someone else’s body.

The tattoos, though, struck a chord with him. He had a canvas now. Art had always been important to him. Art had the power to transform. It could make anything look beautiful. Maybe if he painted his body in a particular way, he could finally belong to it. He could control it, then. He could control this. Especially when everything else was out of his control. 

A few more minutes where time passed like molasses. The crowd cleared, a few of them following the man with the new tattoo. Steve stepped up after him and waited for the tattoo maker to catch his eye.

The man looked up. He had light brown eyes that shone in his gaunt dirty face. His hair was in disarray and it looked like his clothes had seen better days. He looked like all the men around him.

“Captain America,” the man commented, snidely. Another similarity.

“I want to get a tattoo.”

“Earl? Ya hear that?” the tattoo-maker called out, catching the attention of the few stragglers.

A man – Earl – popped his head out from inside the tent, sizing up Steve and then laughed. “Tattoo yer ass, ya goon.”

“Will you help me or not?” He directed his question at the tattoo-maker.

The man smirked. “Wouldn’t wanna fuck up Cap’n America’s body.”

“Patriotic!” One man added.

They all laughed uproariously as Steve stalked off.

Bucky would be proud that he hadn’t picked a fight.

Would Bucky be proud?

~*~

The next few months were a whirlwind. The split-second decision to save Bucky in Azzano to the formation of the Howling Commandoes; it all happened faster than anything in Steve’s entire life. He was exhilarated. This was what he was meant to do. This is how he was supposed to use what Dr Erskine had gifted him. With Bucky at his side and the shield, he felt like he belonged again.

He forgot about his discomfort with his body. It was replaced with adrenaline and a strong feeling of rightness. He didn't need to belong in his body if it could serve the right purpose. There were bigger things to do; nations to save. All of that took precedence over his personal being – and he was grateful.

Steve spent his time with the Commandoes and Bucky on the field, and with Peggy when he was back at base. There were setbacks and obstructions and fear and frustration and anger that soaked through some nights. Soldiers waking up in the middle of the night with a name on their lips or a scream that tore through the spaces. It was less than ideal but there was a purpose. There was a direction as clear as the North Star that Steve followed. And the rest followed him.

Art was far from his mind now. He hadn’t touched his sketchbook in months, his charcoals that Peggy had gifted him had been used up in forming plans. Now they had shifted over to chalk. Drawing plans to infiltrate bases and complete missions did not feel like art.

“Do you ever think of getting a tattoo?” Steve murmured, one night, lying on his front in the grass.

One of the men, Riley Jones, was showing off a tattoo on his shoulder that spelled out the name of his lover back home. The man was blushing, looking pleased with himself. The rest of the men were milling around him, ribbing him good-naturedly.

Within two weeks, the tattoo healed, darkened, faded and finally disappeared. Steve tracked the health of it thoroughly feeling something inside him slip and break. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He cursed the serum that had made him strong enough to take the pain but wouldn’t let a tattoo stick. But if there was something about Steve that had carried over from before the serum, it was his stubbornness. He tried, and he tried again. Over and over. Whenever he was in the camp and Gary was around, he’d try. But it never stuck.

~*~

It was a year since his life had accelerated. And then his world stood still. He was not fast enough; his arm was not long enough. The fall was too high, and the ravine was too deep. Ice replaced blood in his veins, and he couldn’t move. He had made a promise once. A promise to save the Howling Commandoes. To bring them all back home. He had made a promise to Bucky in words, touches and prayers that he would always keep him safe. That if Bucky ever looked around, Steve would be there.

He had failed.

So miserably.

The rest of the men gave him space. They knew that Bucky was Steve’s best friend. They understood what Steve had lost. He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself or move on. The enormity of the loss stuck with him. He had never even attempted to imagine a world without Bucky; even through the thick and thin. In Azzano, the thought of bringing Bucky back was the only thing that kept him going – he had never stopped to imagine Bucky gone. And now. Now, he had failed to bring Bucky back.

As he held the tumbler of alcohol and as he laid down in bed that night, there was a silence in his mind. Waking up within minutes with one word on his lips, he made a decision.

Stripping off his jacket and shirt till only the wifebeater remained, he tapped the shoulder of the sleeping soldier, Gary. He woke up with a gasp and Steve would have felt sorry about that if he wasn’t hauling the man out the tent and into the cold night. The man stuttered and gasped something out, but Steve wasn’t listening. He sat down on a bench, holding his shoulder towards the man and handing him the tattoo machine with the other.

“A nautical star,” he announced, thrusting a piece of paper at the man.

Steve had been so lost trying to get the carnation to stay that he had forgotten all the other tattoos he wanted to get. One was for Peggy – a three-leaf clover to represent hope and love – and the other was for Bucky – a nautical star. Bucky had been the only part of Steve’s life whom he had followed without question. He hadn’t known his father and he remembered fighting with his mother before tuberculosis took her. He loved her but she was his parent and the only one who saw his tantrums. But with Bucky, it was different. They had clicked instantly. They had their arguments but never something that festered for more than a few minutes. He was Steve’s guiding star.

And now he would never see the tattoo.

It took hours before Gary was finally done. The boy looked exhausted as he stumbled away to his tent. Steve remained outside, staring at the paper with the nautical star fashioned into a compass. The weak sunlight spread through the clouds as the dawn broke. It lit the camp in soft light. Steve looked up and felt breathless for a moment. It was beautiful. The pale blue of the sky made him close his eyes, reminding him of just one person. The only person he desperately needed right now.

Folding the paper carefully and tucking it into his pocket, he made his way back to his tent.

~*~

The tattoo faded eventually. He got it again.

The intention was to get it again, but what Steve didn’t know was that at the end of the second week, he’d be flying the Valkyrie into the ocean.

It was like a movie: slow at first and then all at once. Water retracted as the plane crashed into the surface of the freezing cold water. What seemed like a long moment where the water considered him, mocked him even for thinking that any man – enhanced or otherwise – could ever win over nature. He wanted to apologize; accept his mistakes and cry. He wanted to beg and pray – to keep his soldiers safe. To keep Peggy safe. He had lost enough already. But before he could put anything into words, the water thundered within the vessel.

He was suspended; the cold water was freezing him slowly with sweet caresses. It felt hot on his skin at first and then settled deep within like shards of ice. He tried to gasp and break free, but someone was singing at the bottom of the ocean. So, he followed. It was his mother’s voice. She asked him to shut his eyes, and he obeyed.

Then he was gone.


	2. The Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony meet.
> 
> The Work Title is from "I Won't Give Up".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you, Jay.

_2011_

Steve ran.

The first time that the serum had coursed through his body; it had hurt so much he couldn’t breathe. But just as quickly the pain had vanished taking with it all his familiar pains as well. It was like a weight had lifted. He hadn’t known what it was to take a deep breath or what it was to run.

It was amazing. Feeling the wind on his face, the movement of his body pistoning into motion without a second thought. Breathing and not immediately collapsing with the effort. Of course, he hadn’t had the time to think all of that when he was hot on the heels of the man who had shot Dr Erskine.

And he didn’t have the time to think of it when he ran out of the establishment and onto a street that he knew but didn’t know. It was like being thrown into a movie. It had to be a lie. Just like the one that had been planted in his room. This had to be HYDRA.

But would they go to such lengths? Could anyone go to such lengths? Repainting a room was one thing but the entire Times Square? Surely, they couldn’t have that much power. Of course, if the Axis powers had won, then it could be possible.

But there was no despair on the streets. The men and the women pushing past him looked the same. There were a lot more lights and there were a lot more boards. And all the boards moved. Swallowing thickly, he looked at the men and women who had followed him. The cars surrounded him immediately.

He felt utterly helpless for a few seconds, but he grit his teeth. With his back straight and at full height, he maintained a careful distance from the people.

The man who seemed to be their leader stepped forward. “At ease, soldier!” he called. “Look, I’m sorry about that show back there but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.”

“Break what?”

A pause. “You’ve been asleep, Cap. For almost 70 years.”

He struggled to form words. He had so many questions.

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… Just… I had a date.” He swallowed down the despair.

~*~

The first time that Tony had met strippers was on his 11th birthday when Uncle Obie had taken him on his plane to Vegas. Tony was sure that his mother hadn’t been aware of where and how Obadiah was taking him, otherwise, that would never have been possible. Tony had felt intimidated at first. The women were beautiful and confident; they slipped into Obadiah’s space, pressing their bodies close to him. Of course, it would be much later that Tony would realise it was money that brought the women there and not their desire. Well, not that much later.

With time, Tony had started enjoying the women’s presence. They steered clear of Tony, no matter how much the drunk Obadiah pushed them towards Tony. He was glad for that. When the old man finally passed out, one of the women brought Tony juice and wished him a happy birthday with a sweet smile. It was more than he had expected from his birthday already.

He kissed his first girl at 12. She was older and the daughter of a debutante. Her mother was invited to one of Maria Stark’s famous parties-slash-social agendas. It hadn’t been Tony’s idea really. He was really good at going along with people’s plans. The girl, Gia, tugged him by his collar to the closet and they hid behind large fur coats to kiss. It was awkward and uncoordinated, but it was a new experience – Tony liked it.

And then he was at MIT at 14. Suddenly, his world flipped. Following Jarvis and other people around meant survival. But now, if anyone even caught a whiff of him following anyone, he would be socially ostracized. Survival at college for Tony meant forging his own path. Survival at college for Tony meant being the loudest and most unapologetic version of himself.

For the first time in his life, he could say anything he wanted, scream expletives, sass, quip, or patronise and everyone took it and gave it back just as good or better. Tony started learning; picking up skills he lacked. A year spent at MIT perfecting the art of keeping people ten feet away but charming them enough for them to consider him a friend. Following year, he found someone who just wouldn’t take his shit: James Rupert Rhodes.

Tony was a master at getting what he wanted from people, but people at MIT were smart. They had caught on and they gave him a wide berth; they never fell to his feet – not anymore. But Rhodey was a class apart. He was whip-smart and attached himself to Tony’s side as though he was born to be there. He wouldn’t back down from Tony nor was he charmed by him. Tony had tried kissing him at one of the parties but Rhodey pushed him away gently, offering him a glass of water instead. That somehow had cemented their parts in each other’s lives and Tony got to say the two words he had never thought he’d say: best friend.

But even Rhodey couldn’t stop his self-destructive cycle. He was good at MIT; even during his PhDs. However, the second Rhodey joined the Airforce and stopped being around, Tony spiralled. Parties, strippers, drinks, drugs, hookers, and clubs. Tony knew the game like the back of his hand. Obadiah did nothing but encourage Tony which must have served him just fine, but hindsight was always twenty-twenty.

Tony sobered for a week after his parents died only because he was officially allowed to stay in bed when he wasn’t tending to the funeral arrangements. Then, he threw himself into two things: his workshop, and parties. There was not a party that Tony Stark was not invited to and there was not a party that was complete without beautiful men and women latching themselves to Tony’s side after the social circus.

There was a body warming Tony’s bed every night and they were gone in the morning. Maybe Tony should have felt empty, but he didn’t. He wasn’t the happiest man, of course, but he was fine. He really was.

Then came Afghanistan.

Then came the pain.

Then came the arc reactor.

Tony’s body was mottled for months after and the scars never faded. Objectively, Tony didn’t care what anyone thought of him or his body; he never had. But he had his reasons to not invite anyone into his bed: a, his action had consequences and usually bad ones, b, he wanted something real which was stupid, and c, he was scared. He was terrified that he would wake up months later still in the cave. Nightmares caught onto every breath of his sleep and woke him up, sweaty and shaking. Besides, his arc reactor was valuable. He couldn’t have a stranger fiddling with it.

There was something else that he would never admit. But it was clear in the way his eyes sought Pepper out at the benefit party and it was clear in the way that he woke up sometimes with her name on his lips. He wasn’t stupid. He was the smartest man alive, according to Times. He knew what it meant. JARVIS even confirmed it for him – he made him take a Buzzfeed quiz, that bastard.

He was irrevocably in love with Pepper Potts.

Pepper had to know. She was brilliant; better at social cues than he was by a mile and then some. She had to know that he was in love with her; but she was nice enough to not mention it. Tony was just imagining the blushing and mild stuttering around him. That was just his mind making things up.

It took them another year to get over themselves and then, together. Well, Tony almost died in the middle and brought Pepper strawberries. But that sorted itself out, so Tony tried to forget it. Of course, there were still nightmares, but they were not as bad as before. He loved Pepper and they were good together.

They fought, but wasn’t that normal? Their fights were far from normal though. Pepper was scared and rightly so. His stunt hadn’t helped and his commitment to Iron Man just drove her crazy. She didn’t think he would give up that mantle, but she suggested it enough for him to catch on to what she wanted. And he understood, which was the worst part. It made him feel like a bad boyfriend – which, really, he was.

Pepper was patient and fierce. She made him want to be better, so, the right thing to do was to give up Iron Man and settle down with Pepper. But he couldn’t put into words what Iron Man meant to him. Of course, Pepper understood anyway.

“He’s your soulmate,” she said, simply, hours after another fight when they lay together with Tony’s head at her shoulder. “He’s your soulmate and he’s important to you. But he will kill you, Tony.”

Tony knew that the fact that the thought didn’t scare him was shitty. He couldn’t say that; he wouldn’t. So, he just burrowed his face into her shoulder and both of them knew that he wasn’t going to change. He was Iron Man. He would remain Iron Man.

It didn’t stop them from being pathetically in love. Tony knew grand gestures. Some never worked, but some charmed Pepper. Pepper always managed to charm him – thoughtful gifts and gestures that warmed his heart. She was more than what he was worth, but he felt selfish. If he could keep giving his body and life to Iron Man; to saving the world, surely, he could give his soul and his heart to this beautiful woman.

And then he was face to face with his childhood hero.

~*~

SHIELD tried everything. They gave him a teacher who gave him daily lessons on what he had missed; they gave him unlimited books and spat out the money that the army owed him. It was a nice nest egg, but he didn’t need it. The pocket money that SHIELD gave him was enough to get food thrice a day and he had access to the gym. Fury offered him a job as a consultant and handed over files with the word “Avengers Initiative” stamped over it. He always refused. He didn’t need that; just food and exercise.

Physically, anyway.

Emotionally and mentally, however. He had no idea what he needed. The world was still there and if he squinted his eyes, nothing had really changed that much. People were still people, but everything that he had known was gone. Everything that he held dear had changed enough to be unrecognisable.

Three months after waking up, he went back to Brooklyn. He already knew that the building had been bought by three contractors over the past 70 years and rebuilt each time into more apartments, higher apartments. He stood in front of the reflective glass discomfort evident from his tapping foot. The buildings were better now; sturdier and higher. He realised that he had been hoping to find a piece of himself as he walked around the block. The park that Steve and Bucky used to spend time in as kids was there. Their school was there, though, it had gotten a lot bigger. Their neighbourhood cemetery was there and the church. He could almost hear the sweet lilt of his mother’s voice as she joined in on the hymns. His college existed but offered more courses. Of course, his professors were dead or retired. Coney Island was still there with its famous hotdog stand. He ate one and it tasted the same as before, but it wasn’t the same without Bucky’s arm slung across his shoulders.

Nothing was the same.

He unconsciously touched his shoulder where the star tattoo should have been, but his body was a traitor. There was no proof of the existence of the tattoo. He didn’t have the paper with the image on it but the design was imprinted in his mind; he could easily replicate it but he felt untethered. He was smart enough to know that a simple tattoo wasn’t going to replace what he lost.

He was just a boy from Brooklyn. He wasn’t actually a Captain so how could he lead as a strategist. What work would he have as a consultant? And he surely was no superhero. There was nothing on this side of the century for him.

But what choice did he have.

~*~

Tony remembered when he used to climb up on Aunt Peggy’s lap. She used to let him play with the things on her desk as she worked as long as he didn’t disrupt her work. There was always something for him in the top drawer on the right. Sometimes it was candies and sometimes it was crayons. But his favourite had been a teddy bear rendition of Captain America and his friend, Bucky Barnes.

He knew all about them. Aunt Peggy told him stories. Sometimes Sharon would join them, and Tony would forget all the questions he had about Captain America and Bucky Barnes. The Steve Rogers that she talked of was brave, smart, bold, fierce, and kind – corroborated by his father. He was everything that Tony wanted to be because he was too young to be jealous of a man who wasn’t alive. She also told him of the times that he made stupid mistakes, but there was affection in her voice.

But the Steve Rogers that Tony first met was stoic, abrasive, stiff, distant, arrogant and had a stick so far up his ass that Tony was sure it was familiar with Steve’s uvula – he was the man that Tony had hoped he would be. _In your face, Howard_. It was hate at first sight. The man gave as good as he got and if it was only for that reason, Tony was rather impressed.

They fought in New York together and they all fit together like they had been preparing for this moment their entire lives. It was glorious. Of course, that had to end as Tony fell through a wormhole. He had wanted to go into space one day, but this wasn’t what he really expected. He would die with the stars. As Pepper’s name and her face faded from before him followed by JARVIS’s voice, he realised that Pepper would hate him. This was everything that she had predicted and everything that had been so easily avoidable. She would live hating him, but, God, _God_, he hoped that she would be happy.

There was a roar and the world righted. The Avengers had won, and Tony Stark would live.

Sitting in the shawarma shop together later, apologies weren’t required. Silence reigned. But the Captain was particular. He made sure to apologise to all members of the team and Tony was surprised when it was his turn.

“Tony?” Steve asked as Tony tottered around the workshop.

The workshop had mostly survived the attack even though the glass doors hadn’t. The Captain stood awkwardly between the shards of glass.

“Hey, Cap,” Tony responded, asking JARVIS to mute the music and got back to the repairs on his watch for the suit. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened on the helicarrier. I was unfair to you. You have proven yourself to be a worthy teammate and an even better man. Though no such effort should have been required.”

Tony paused, a screwdriver in his mouth and eyes on Steve. He was shocked. Over the years many people had talked shit about him, behind his back and to his face. Even Rhodey and he had fought to the point of screaming at each other, but they had never apologised. He had handled all kinds of words thrown at him, but it had never consisted of an apology, so, he had no idea what to say which was a first for him.

“Al-rah Cah,” he mumbled around the screwdriver. His eyes crossed when he looked down at the offending instrument. Spitting it out, he replied, “Alright, Cap. I guess, I’m sorry too.”

“Thank you, Tony.” His smile was brilliant.

~*~

Pepper sent all of the Avengers individual invitations to the newly built Stark Tower – now, the Avengers Tower. Tony and Pepper stuck around for a month to get the repairs done. Tony’s nightmares were getting worse.

“Tony,” Pepper murmured, stroking his cheek as he came down another nightmare. “Do you think being in Miami will help?”

“I don’t know, Pep,” he replied, shaking.

“Let’s go there. Away from New York.”

He nodded. It couldn’t hurt.


	3. A Beautiful Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A speedrun of Marvel movies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I forgot to update a chapter last week, you'll get two this week. Yay.

Steve was convinced by Natasha who was convinced by Clint to move into the Stark Tower about three months after the constructions were over. He hadn’t wanted Tony to think that he was taking advantage of his generosity. Natasha informed him that Tony wasn’t even there and he was still sending upgrades to all their equipment from Miami. He wanted them there. So, Steve agreed.

The loss of direction that Steve had been feeling; the lack of a tether had faded when he had fought the aliens in New York. For the few days that he had a purpose with the Avengers, he had never felt as alive as he did then since the war and since before Bucky died. The connection meant everything to him and deep in his heart, he knew that it meant something to the rest of them too which is why they stayed in touch in their own little ways. Bruce had stayed, even though he remained in his workshop and rarely interacted with anyone. Natasha and Clint showed up at the Tower sometimes, but they were mostly at the SHIELD HQ. Tony was in Miami with Pepper focusing on Stark Industries. They heard about the new product launches every few weeks. It wasn’t the same as on the helicarrier and fighting aliens, but it was something tangible that Steve could hold on to. He wouldn’t go entirely crazy.

The hope didn’t last long. It waned and wavered. It hit Steve harder than he had expected and suddenly he felt more lost than before. SHIELD offered him a place in DC, and he accepted. He was desperate for the kind of connection he had felt in New York. No partner could make him feel the way that the Avengers did. He missed them and that was crazy. He had barely known them for three days. They had nothing in common except for the trauma.

He shook it off. Throwing himself into missions at least made him feel useful. DC was kind to him. He barely spent any time in his SHIELD provided apartment, but the neighbours were nice and the food in this century was sometimes better than what he had. There was an abundance of it for sure.

And then Bucky was on the bridge.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

~*~

Steve shifted slightly. His entire body hurt as though it had been through the wringer. For all he knew, it had been. He smelled the hospital even before he had to open his eyes. In his childhood, he had spent so much time around the smell of death and disinfectant that he had internalised it – and the seventy years hadn’t changed that much. Well, he was alive. The smell always meant that he was alive.

Cracking his eyes open, he looked at the man in the chair beside the bed. His lips twitched.

“On your left,” he mumbled.

Sam smiled at him, pleased. “Welcome back, Cap.”

“Catching me up?” he asked, moving his head back infinitesimally towards the music.

He chuckled and nodded. “You seem stubborn enough to not take my advice.”

Steve returned the easy smile. “Thank you, Sam.” He wasn’t sure how much he was thanking Sam for. There was so much.

“Always, Steve,” Sam replied carefully. He used Steve’s name instead of the title he carried. How could Steve ever repay this man? “I’ll go get your friends,” he added, getting up with a pat to Steve’s shoulder.

“Friends?” he murmured, too quiet for Sam to hear as he walked out.

Out of everyone, he had never expected to see Tony standing there.

“Hey, Cap,” Tony smirked, taking Sam’s vacant seat.

Steve smiled at him, eyes sliding shut.

“You know I shifted to the New York Tower and Christine Everheart of all people informs me of what’s going on. It’s turning into weird information exchange, really. I should have been following the SHIELD files closely, but I’ve been out of commission for a bit. What with the arc reactor gone and all. A story for another time. I don’t want you sleeping on me as Bruce did. Terrible, terrible friend, that man.” He was on his feet now, fetching Steve water with a straw. He waited for Steve to drink his fill and set the cup away waving away Steve’s gratitude. “You should have called me, Cap. I would have helped.”

“I know. But you are not very good at listening to your own advice,” he responded, smiling softly.

Tony huffed a laugh, pacing the room. “There wasn’t anything anyone could do about Killian. Personal vendettas. I wouldn’t get anyone else involved in that. It was my mess.”

“We’re a team, Tony. Besides, Natasha and Sam helped me through my ‘mess’. I would have helped you too.”

Tony paused and shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t like this.” He gestured at the entirety of Steve’s body. “You’re supposed to wear blue and red, not look it. Steve, come back to New York. The team can be together, and we can handle each other’s shit better. I mean, I’m a horrible roommate. Ask anyone. Pepper and Rhodey, really. They’ll tell you. But you have your own floor. Come back, Cap.”

Steve didn’t have to think. “I’ll be there.”

“I can get a medical team there-“

“I’ll be back when I’m better, Tony,” he insisted.

To Steve’s surprise, Tony didn’t fight it. He nodded, looking exhausted. “I’ll fly back today. SI Business. Bye, Cap.”

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, Capsicle.”

Steve slid into sleep when Natasha slipped inside the room. She mirrored a smile when she noticed the smile playing on Steve’s lips.

~*~

The team was together in the Tower. Of course, they barely saw each other but they did have Friday dinners together. Even Tony dragged himself out of his workshop for the dinner, always covered in oil and grease. And Steve always tossed a napkin at him as soon as he entered the common space. It was a thing – their thing.

It was about a month into the arrangement when Steve found himself curled up on the couch of the Common Room staring at the dark screen of the TV listlessly. Some nights were harder than others. He hadn’t stopped looking for Bucky; Sam and Nat hadn’t either. Tony had helped by working out an algorithm for face recognition, but Bucky was good at hiding.

So, some nights were Bucky falling from the train and turning into the face of absolute devastation from the Triskelion. Some nights it was Tony falling from the wormhole. That night it was Bucky falling from the train but when he fell, it was Tony in his place, dead. And, so, the night found Steve trying to watch television and failing. There was still so much to catch up on. Steve felt so out of his depth.

“Cap?”

Steve turned around from his blanket burrito, sitting up to look over the couch.

Tony stood at the entrance, watching him. He looked exhausted, dark circles around his eyes and a five o’clock shadow over his face. He ran a hand over his mouth as if he had heard Steve’s thoughts.

“Tony,” he acknowledged, settling back on the couch.

Tony walked and sat down on the couch, near Steve’s feet. He quietly pushed his own feet under the blanket. Taking control of the remote, he started the Star Wars movies. They were loud and colourful and with Tony’s chattering, Steve was finally pulled in. He even sat up midway through the first one, sharing the blanket with Tony properly.

They were through three movies before Steve started feeling sleepy.

“We could do this tomorrow,” Tony murmured, nudging his shoulder.

Steve nodded sleepily, getting up and almost tripping over the edge of the blanket. Tony helped him out of his confines with a smile.

“You know, if, uh, if anything weighs too heavy. I’m not good at advice or whatever. But you are always welcome to the workshop. It’s soundproof and has no windows. And it has my three dumb bots, basically my children – probably the only ones I’ll have. They’re stupid as a pile of rocks but entertaining. U is this close to perfecting a smoothie without using Windex.” Tony shrugged. “So, you know, offer stands.”

Steve watched him leave, unsure of what to say.

~*~

Steve did take him up on the offer. He started showing up in the lab once a week and it drew out into thrice a week and then he was there every day except for when he was looking for Bucky or when he was leading the Avengers. He didn’t do much. They didn’t even talk much, but Steve stuck around, working on his tablet, sketching or playing around with the bots. It was calming and helped him spend his days without feeling like a true fuck up.

The months that crossed by their eyes left them with many wins. Of course, Bucky was still missing and whenever they felt they could catch him, get hot on his trail, they lost him. Tony and Sam agreed that Bucky did not want to be found, but they understood that Steve needed to keep searching.

“When we get the sceptre, we’re gonna have a party. A big one,” Tony announced at the team meeting, getting up from the dinner table where they had congregated to get himself a beer. “Also, I built this tower with multiple meeting rooms and yet you all heathens insist on having the meetings here.”

“All the food is here,” Clint replied.

“And the good coffee,” Natasha intoned.

“Party. Saturday,” Tony reiterated.

There was a scattered response that Tony paid no heed to.

The party did happen. Of course, Pepper didn’t show up. They had parted with promises of still working their relationship out – at least Tony had. He knew that Pepper loved him but could barely hold onto the company and him anymore. It made sense. He was more than a handful. Of course, she left him. For the world, she was working at SI. For Rhodey, they were on a break. But for Tony, she was another person who had realised the ruin he could bring and left him.

Good for her. He was proud of her.

And then Ultron happened.


	4. Like a Drum, Baby, Don't Stop Beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to reconcile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the events of AoU.
> 
> The chapter is short but it packs a punch.

Clint had a farm.

Clint had a safe house on a farm.

Clint had a wife on the farm.

Clint had two kids on the farm.

Clint was going to have another kid on the farm.

Clint was more emotionally and mentally stable than the lot of them on the farm.

It was hard to digest, really. Tony tried really hard to reconcile it with the image that Clint had built in the time that they had known each other but it was hard. Maybe it was a fever dream. He hoped it was. He really hoped that he would wake up and Ultron wouldn’t exist. The guilt ate at him. He, with the help of Bruce, had unleashed an unknown intelligence in the world. The one that he had been trying to protect. Where he had thought that his inaction would bring the world to ruin, it was his actions that would bring the world to its knees.

The road to hell really was paved with good intentions. But it wouldn’t be for all the people that ended up there because of Tony.

The day had left him exhausted to his bone and he was ready to keel over from the stress. Talking to Fury had been freeing. Somehow the earnestness in the man’s eyes when he told Tony that he cared about him had been enough for Tony to spew all the secrets that he hadn’t bothered telling anyone else – not even Bruce knew the real reason he wanted to expedite the Ultron project. It had seemed like a great idea at the time.

It had just been research.

They left for their rooms once they had talked to Fury. They would leave with the Quinjet at 5 in the morning. Laura had been adamant that they all had to at least rest, even if it was forceful. Besides, the food had left them all sated and sleepy. Sleepy was a loose term around the Avengers – their eyes were still alert as though expecting news about Ultron at any moment. Maybe that’s why they were the first line of defence – or maybe they were the first line of defence and the responsibility kept them alert. Ouroboros.

Laura and Clint’s farm had just three spare rooms. Thor was gone but Fury took his place. Natasha and Bruce vanished into a room which was a development that had both surprised and not surprised Tony. Finally, it was Tony and Steve in a room. Steve was already in the shower when Tony came inside. He settled on the bed, his head in his hands. He must have been lost in thought because Steve was sitting on the other side of the bed when he looked up.

“I saw Peggy,” Steve started, voice contemplative. He wasn’t looking at Tony. His t-shirt was sticking to his body and his hair were in disarray. “I saw Peggy when that-that girl… It was a post-war party – quite like ours, I guess. The Stork Club. I had promised her I’d be there before I crashed the Valkyrie into the water. They were all dancing, but something was off. And I could feel the… Just how wrong it was but then Peggy was there, and we danced. She told me we could go home.”

Tony didn’t respond. What could he say? Steve was baring it all to him and he didn’t know why. “Why are you telling me all this?” He settled on, finally.

“Because I can’t expect you to trust me if I don’t trust you.”

“You don’t trust me, Cap. You shouldn’t.” He got up to claim the bathroom next.

“I trust you, Tony,” he responded, exasperatedly.

“You don’t. You still don’t expect me to make the sacrifice play. Which is fine – I probably won’t. But I’m always on the outside looking in, Cap. I’m always-“ Tony stopped, jaw squared and staring at the floor. “If anything happens to this team, it will be on me. It will be my legacy. I’m the smartest one in any room and that is not me just stroking my ego. I should see two steps ahead of everything. And you know it’s not even a question of ‘if’. It’s a question of ‘when’. I’m your ruin, Cap. And what if I could have done more? Should I just sit back?”

“Tony, you’re twisting my words,” Steve replied hotly.

“I’m _twisting_ your words? I’m _repeating_ your words.”

“You’re not, Tony. After all this time and you don’t know me at all.”

They were standing close now, glaring at each other.

“I guess I don’t,” Tony responded, jaw set.

“You’re so frustrating!”

They weren’t sure who started it but before they knew it, they were kissing. It was frantic and angry. Steve pulled away first, breath fast as he stared at Tony. He gulped and stared back. He didn’t want it to stop. It must have gotten through. When Steve reclaimed his lips, it was much softer this time. It was a real kiss, though no less passionate. There was still frustration and exhaustion hidden in it but there wasn’t any urgency to destroy.

Tony pulled away for a long moment, eyes soft. He didn’t put the words out, but the question was clear in the way he held his body just so; close enough to touch but far enough to respect the distance between them.

But Steve wanted him – needed him – like he hadn’t anyone before. His arms wrapped around Tony’s waist of his own accord, pulling him close. Tony gasped without a sound, fingers curling behind Steve’s neck. He tugged at Steve’s hair, once; twice. It was Steve’s turn to gasp. Tony caught his mouth in a slow kiss, languidly sucking at his bottom lip. Steve moaned loudly, letting Tony push him into the bed. He dragged Tony over him, moving his head back to just look at him.

Tony was beautiful. This wasn’t the first time he was noticing but it was the first time he could see Tony in a role that multiple people had seen him in before. Spit slick reddened lips, red spots on his cheeks, dark pupils were blown wide. He was a sight to behold. Steve let him kiss him again, fingers carding through Tony’s wild beautiful hair. He could smell the fragrant shampoo. It was all too much but not enough. They pulled away long enough for Steve to divest Tony of his shirt. Tony sat back on his haunches and Steve drank him in, fingers moving reverently over Tony’s chest and nipples – that made him jump – and taut abdomen.

Steve wasn’t for debauchery. He had lived at Flatbush Avenue and walked every day up to the Borough Hall, making friends with the prostitutes whom he met sometimes at Church every Sunday morning or at Johnny’s Café on Mondays. He knew them and he even liked them, but he never truly approved of them; his mother sure didn’t. Bucky taught him to be open, though. He tried but he could never see the appeal in meaningless sex. He had never approved of the Tony that the tabloids provided him with. Every weekend, they splashed a story about Tony cheating on Pepper. Since his breakup, he had been linked to multiple women who were paraded as the reason.

But seeing Tony like this. Open and laser focus turned towards Steve, he felt alive and electric. Suddenly he couldn’t remember why he thought there was anything wrong with sex; meaningless or not. And this wasn’t meaningless. This was what it was like to be around Tony. He could be easily distracted by the million thoughts milling around his head but when he was talking to Steve, he was always present. Now, being even closer felt like Steve had willingly attached himself to a comet. Some emotion flickered in Tony’s eyes, too quick for Steve to understand. But it called to him. Something in his expression that left Steve feeling exposed in the best ways possible.

In a swift move, he turned them over with Tony plopping down into the mattress. Tony’s arms curled around his own chest as if he was going to cover himself, staring up at Steve, his face an open book of trust, desire and longing. Instead, Tony’s hands found Steve’s hair again, delving into the soft locks. Steve kissed him again, hands tracing out every muscle on Tony’s torso. His hands sculpted David in his mind but what he held was even more precious. He found the places that elicited a response from Tony: his nipples, his hips and the place right under his ribs. He played with the waistband of Tony’s jeans making him shudder and moan with anticipation.

“Steve, please.” It was nothing more than a whisper that Steve drank down immediately.

He barely restrained himself from ripping the pants and boxers off Tony’s legs, leaving him bare against the white sheets. Steve stopped and realised what he was doing; who he was with. This wasn’t a dream; this was real life. He recognised Tony suddenly as if meeting him again after months of absence.

“Tony,” he murmured, barely able to hide his surprise.

Tony stared at him, squirming slightly under the scrutiny. He belonged within his skin unlike anyone else that Steve had ever seen. Even after the serum, Steve felt conscious of his body but not Tony. He loved his body and loved showing it off even more. But Steve was making him impatient.

“Like what you see?” He asked, all bravado but unable to mask the sliver of doubt – he still thought that Steve was going to up and leave.

“A lot,” Steve assured.

When they kissed again, Tony wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist. He pressed close against Steve’s clothed body, undulating his hips in slow movements. Steve moaned into the kiss, framing Tony’s head with his hands.

“Off,” Tony ordered, tugging at Steve’s shirt, pressing a bottle and a small packet into Steve’s palm with his other hand. Steve had no idea where they had come from, but he didn’t care.

Setting it aside, Steve sat up to pull off his shirt followed by his pants and boxers. Tony pulled him back. The first skin to skin contact made them both groan. Steve sighed, rutting languorously against Tony’s body right at the edge of pain. He pulled away, a slick covered hand replacing his skin and wrapping itself around Tony, who gasped body arching against the mattress.

Steve stared, stared and stared. Almost forgetting to move. But when he did the sounds that pushed their way out of Tony’s mouth burned bright. A blaze of heat ran through him. He had been so cold since the Artic had wedged itself into every crevice of his body, but he felt warm now. For the first time in a long time, he felt warmth. He realised that he could come like this; just watching Tony fall apart under his deft touch. He moved his lips under Tony’s jaw, sucking at Tony’s earlobe.

“Steve,” Tony groaned. “Steve, come on, darling. I want to come with you inside me.”

Steve shuddered at the term of endearment, letting Tony go. “Are you sure?”

“Not my first time,” he replied amusedly.

Steve smirked and rolled his eyes, slicking his fingers up again. He eased a finger inside Tony’s hole making him shudder with relief. Steve rested their foreheads together, opening Tony up gently and slowly. They breathed heavily into each other’s mouths. He took his time learning Tony’s body and memorizing the sounds he made.

“Steve, I’m ready. I’m ready, come on.”

Steve worked three fingers out of Tony gently making him hiss. He sat up, pressing his hands against Tony’s hips and getting him into position. Steve pushed into Tony, sheathing himself within Tony unhurriedly. He stayed there for a few moments, holding Tony’s drowsy gaze. His eyes flew open when Steve started to move. He increased his pace eventually, unable to hold back anymore. Steve pressed his lips against Tony’s mouth, drinking down their words and sounds.

Tony came first, arching completely off the bed and body pressing against Steve’s. Tony tightened impossibly around Steve making him cry out as he came, shaking in Tony’s arms. They lay there for a few minutes, eyes lost in each other’s. None of them was willing to move. Steve stroked a hand against Tony’s cheek. He pulled out with a hiss, sitting up to toss the condom away. Tony cleaned himself up with his shirt, chucking it away. Steve spooned Tony, arm wrapped around his waist. He kissed Tony’s neck and nosed against his sweaty hair making Tony chuckle softly.

“Didn’t take Captain America for a cuddler.”

“You know me better than that.”

Tony quieted, hiding his face in the pillow. “I do.”

They fell asleep eventually.

Steve woke up first, lying there awake behind Tony watching him sleep. Tony awoke lazily, turning around in his arms. Steve didn’t pretend to be asleep, instead refocusing his gaze on Tony. He cupped Tony’s cheek.

“The world’s ending.”

“We’ll save it.”

Tony smiled but it lacked conviction. “Let’s go do it then.”

So, they woke up to the world ending and never talked about it again.

~*~

“JARVIS is yours. _Was _yours.”

Tony looked up, battered and tired. He ran a hand over his face. “What?”

“I’m sorry.”

A beat. “Why?”

“I should not have thrown the shield at you.”

“Bygones or whatever,” he responded, moving over to another one of the people who needed help.

“Tony.” Steve caught him by the arm. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. Wanda got in my head again. I-I let her. She said Ultron doesn’t know the difference between protecting and killing and he gets that from you. But she was wrong. Vision is who you are. He is the embodiment of all the good in y-“

“Got it, Cap. Thanks. I’m sorry for creating a murderbot.” It was spoken flippantly but there was an underlying tone of regret and guilt that made Steve wince.

Tony tried to leave again but Steve kept his hold strong. Tony sighed and looked at him in askance. Steve simply leaned in and kissed him chastely, before walking away.

They never talked of that again either.


	5. You're the Fire and the Flood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love can be painful sometimes.

Tony Stark’s first speech had been when he was four. It was just two paragraphs long but that was enough for a boy who understood the scope and reach of an interview. He had been prepped by his mother, hassled by his father and soothed by Jarvis. It was a speech at the annual Stark Expo where Tony would introduce his father. Simple enough.

He had considered the number of people and prepared himself for that. Jarvis had given him tips to evade the nervousness but when he was there in front of expecting faces, he forgot everything beyond the second line. He stuttered and then walked off. He didn’t cry. He was proud of that. Until he saw his father’s face. The disappointment clawed his insides till Jarvis took him to the stalls for ice cream and he forgot.

The next speech was better. He got through the entire one, though he stuttered and stopped multiple times. His dad was disappointed. The next one was with minimal stuttering, but his dad’s facial expression hadn’t changed. It took barely five more speeches holding hope post which Tony gave up. He was twelve when he went off script the first time. His father was furious. He counted it as a win – he had changed the man’s expression from disappointment. He soon realised that there wasn’t much more to his father towards him. He called it the Disappointment-Fury binary.

Even after his father’s shadow was gone and then he was gone for good, Tony barely followed the script. Some instances were more explosive than others like the first press conference after Afghanistan or the time he announced he was Iron Man. He was confident enough to speak to a crowd; he could handle what came at him with ease.

_Now I would like to introduce the head of the foundation: Pepper Potts._

Tony swallowed thickly. It wasn’t the first time he would ignore the words on the screen (and not the last). But this time the words drove a wedge within him. He could feel the pressure of the arc reactor on his lungs and his heart even though there was nothing but scars left behind.

Silence.

“Go break some eggs.”

Tony had sent her messages. Three a month. He didn’t want to seem clingy. She got back to most of them but never to the ones where he asked about them. He tried to be funny or sarcastic or downright mean, but Pepper was Pepper and she knew him. Maybe Rhodey owned the best How To Tony guide but Pepper could add new chapters to it. So, she never rose to the bait. She kept it strictly professional.

Talking of professionals, he had tried the therapist game again. It was a hit and miss. And he had mostly missed whenever he had tried. He understood the concept; it was simply hard to bare his soul to strangers in the hope that this one would work out. His present therapist, Lisa, was of the opinion that he needed to give Pepper space. Because she hadn’t ended their relationship – not really. It was an extended breather. While Tony could assume that to be a clean break for his sanity, but if he was holding on to hope, he needed to give her space. Mostly, he had to be okay with the consequences.

He never told her about Steve or what happened at Clint’s cabin because that was just relief, right? No feelings from either side. In the crudest way, they got their rocks off. Good for them. Then why did it feel like he was hiding a giant bulbous secret?

Really, though? All these things? His feelings? They didn’t matter. Barely took up more than ten minutes of his allotted time with the therapist. Who was he to care about his personal wellbeing? The rest of the meeting was a discussion of the correlation between generosity and guilt, and Charlie Spencer. He had murdered again. Even after vowing to protect everyone, he had murdered again. Lisa said that he couldn’t blame himself. Lisa was wrong. The blame fell squarely on his shoulders.

It was all him.

He was already trying to reach a solution but the minor accident with Wanda gave him the answer.

~*~

Steve realised that hindsight was twenty-twenty. When Sharon talked of Peggy, she mentioned compromise. And then she mentioned standing as a strong force against immorality. Maybe Steve needed to hear it from Peggy to realise what she meant. Maybe he took the wrong message home. He believed in his heart that what he was doing was right. He really did. He was standing for what he thought was right.

Compromise. Staying together as a team. Maybe those were things that were more important. Of course, Bucky as a variable in the equation changed things but, in his mind, he had torn up the team into factions long before anything had been settled.

Tony, Rhodey, Vision, and Natasha had signed the Accords. There was still going to be negotiations; conversations among the team to reach to a compromise. There was a long way to go before the Accords were a surety. Steve felt that it was a ticking time bomb. He knew that during the War, he had an agenda and the Army had another. He followed his own; it worked out. Of course, people died but that was the characteristic of war. They were casualties; not victims. Most of the people that were caught in the crossfire of the Avengers were civilians; innocents. Steve understood that.

But he knew that if there was no Avengers, if they were controlled down to the T, there would be even more deaths. How could he accept the authority when he had been created through a process that defied nature and then Captain America was borne of defying authority. It wasn’t in his blood.

After months of searching and scrounging every corner of the world, he had finally found Bucky. It was a balm for his hurting soul to see his face. His best friend. The only link left from his past. The hole that the past seventy years had left behind was fresh and hurting after Peggy and Bucky was a sight for sore eyes. Of course, not as someone who was thrown behind the bars.

So, Steve’s ideals and Bucky’s innocence. All of that had landed him on the wrong side of the law. Honestly, what was new. But what Steve hadn’t anticipated was landing up on the wrong side of his team – of course, he had already mourned the demise of the team. But he hadn’t recognised it until a lot later that there was a team that could have been salvaged. He had said it himself that there was no threat big enough that they couldn’t fight together. And he had been the one stubborn enough to not listen when it counted. There was merit in his ideals. He wasn’t wrong but this wasn’t about right or wrong.

_“Sometimes I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth but I don’t wanna see you gone.”_

Was Steve listening? Tony was stretched thin between the government, his skin in the game and Steve. He wanted to do right by everyone, and it was killing him, but the man could hide behind a beautiful suit and expensive sunglasses. So, Steve had seen what everyone else saw. He had forgotten what he had realised about Tony; especially after Ultron.

But… There were so many of those: However, nevertheless, although.

Bucky Barnes. Steve had heard him say that he was innocent and no matter what happened, he knew that Bucky would do the same for him. _In 1945, maybe_, a small voice that sounded like Sam whispered to him. But he had to believe that there was something worth saving in the man who looked like his best friend. Because if he didn’t, then what did he have.

Everything was complicated but there was nothing that couldn’t be solved if he had just listened. Especially when Tony was willing to talk.

~*~

Tony was no stranger to betrayal. He had been betrayed by a lot of people throughout his life: Tiberius Stone, Obadiah Stane, Aldrich Killian to name a few. But in all those times, even as a child when he had started to hate the expectations that an absent Steve Rogers had set, he had never thought that Steve would be someone he would add to the list. And what was more surprising was that Natasha had actually stood by him. At least until it lasted.

He was trying his best. No matter what the small voice at the back of his voice told him, he would rate himself at 78% of doing everything he could in the lowest probability. If only Steve would listen to him. He had no intention of arresting his teammate. The person he had considered his friend.

Tony thought back to Obadiah’s betrayal. That had stung. It had been months of locking himself in the lab to get over that. But with Steve, he had no idea what to do. Maybe it was the extent of it and the scope of the betrayal that Tony couldn’t grasp all of it.

He could appreciate Steve’s point, he really did. _See when you can do the things that I can but you don’t and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you_. It might have been a mouthy teenager who told him that but it did help put things in perspective.

It had never been about refuting Steve’s point, though. It wasn’t an argument or a fight. It wasn’t a one-on-one. The way Tony saw it: the choice was clear and he knew that it was for Steve as well and he respected that but there was a land of compromise between them. If only Steve would talk.

Why did the betrayal hurt so much though?

It took staring at Steve across the hangar to realise it and then Tony realised that he had been incredibly stupid.

He had gone and fallen in love with Steve Rogers.

Would Howard be proud?

~*~

_“What’s gonna happen to your friends?”_

Bucky always knew the right words to say. Bucky knew him well. When he asked that, Steve knew he meant all of them. He knew he meant Tony and Natasha and all the people they had left behind. Steve felt unhinged. What was he doing? It had been all single-minded focus until the Quinjet but now the wait was bringing back all the scenarios they could have left behind. What if someone was hurt or worse? They were all his friends. He had left his team fighting. Tony may have started the war when he signed the Accords, but Steve goddamn well made the first hit.

~*~

So, Steve hadn’t been lying about the innocence of one James Buchanan Barnes. Tony’s mind darted through the possibilities. They could not only get Bucky out of the Wakandan sentence but also away from an American psych ward. It was all about the facts and how they fought. If only Steve would listen. If only he had stayed and told Tony what he knew rather than punch his way through this. Maybe Tony could still dig them out, so, he sent the files to Ross on priority.

_She’s just a kid_. When Ross had shifted his teammates to a high security location, he had hoped that it was something like his compound. But looking at Wanda tied up like in a prison was not right. This wasn’t what he wanted. He had to make this right and he would. If only he had Steve at his side.

_“Sam, I was wrong.”_

Maybe admitting was the first step. Maybe it could still be salvaged. Maybe the Avengers were still the Avengers. He still didn’t agree with Steve’s methods but maybe he could respect the process and they could get somewhere. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

_It’s good to see you, Tony_.

~*~

_… An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within - that's dead forever._

Steve fucked up. Long before the Accords.

~*~

Tony had been an idiot to not prepare FRIDAY to recognise Steve’s fighting patterns. How had he thought that his friends – no, former teammates – would stay true to the cause. Another failing on his father’s part: to make him believe that Steve Rogers could do no wrong.

He didn’t care whether Bucky was innocent. The Winter Soldier had killed his mother. He severed the metal arm, but he wanted to cut off the one that had wrapped around his mother’s neck.

_He’s my friend._

_So was I._

~*~

Tony may have started the fight, but Steve had ended it.

“What’s going to happen to Tony?”

“I’ll fix it,” Steve promised. He felt Bucky touch his face, curiously.

“You’re crying. Why?”

“I love him, Bucky.”


	6. Oh Ms Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Civil War.

Tony told himself that Rhodey being alive was the best outcome. Of course, the best outcome would have been that no one got hurt, the Accords got signed and the team was together – that his parents hadn’t been murdered. But he was taking what he got. All things considered; they had made it out relatively unscathed.

He was being overly optimistic. His therapist would be proud. Rhodey might never walk. His spine was compromised but Tony was working on it. The exoskeleton device that he had created was at least a step in the right direction. He was trying to tap into the spinal energy to restore Rhodey’s legs to their former glory.

Whatever had happened to Rhodey; however, it was on him. It was on Tony. He was the one who had given Rhodey a suit, the one who had tugged him into this life and the one who had zip lined Rhodey into the Accords. He had as good as thrown Rhodey down himself. He wasn’t sure if he could ever make up for this.

“138. 138 combat missions. That’s how many I’ve flown, Tony. Every one of them could’ve been my last, but I flew them. Because the fight needed to be fought. It’s the same with these Accords. I signed because it was the right thing to do. And yeah, this sucks. This is, uh, a bad beat. But it hasn’t changed my mind. I don’t think.”

Forgiveness was a weird feeling. If there was anything that Tony could count on from Rhodey was the truth. So, if Rhodey was telling him that as painful as it was, this was something he still believed in, then Tony had no option but to believe in it too.

~*~

Pepper found Tony in his lab staring at nothing a month after Siberia. She drew up behind him, a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and smiled slightly. They didn’t have to say anything. Pepper held Tony close and Tony accepted the comfort.

“I want to step down,” he murmured eventually as they dug into Chinese takeout in the penthouse. “Not-not… I still have to be ready, but I will not be actively looking for trouble.”

“Trouble usually finds you, in my experience,” Pepper responded. But it wasn’t a dismissal. She was sad as she leaned in to kiss him gently.

“I’m sorry, Pep.”

“I’m sorry too, Tony.” She knew that he would be sucked in again. She knew how this would end and she hurt for him.

“I love you.” _Don’t leave me._

“I love you too.” _Don’t die._

It was another month later when Pepper finally had the courage to ask him about what happened in Siberia. She knew some things but not everything. Since Ultron, she had just heard third party accounts of Tony’s life. She wasn’t sure she needed to know but it was important to ask. It was eating Tony alive.

Tony didn’t want to tell her but when he started, he found that it was hard to stop. Before, he would have Steve in his lab to talk at or Bruce. He would call Rhodey. But Steve and Bruce were out of commission and Rhodey had his own shit to worry about. Pepper was patient. She was the best person that Tony did not deserve. He was in awe of the fact that he could bask in her presence.

“You’re in love with Steve,” she concluded when he was done.

Tony set his jaw. “I’m in love with you.”

“You can love two people, Tony,” she told him kindly.

Tony shook his head. “I can’t love him, Pep.”

“It’s okay,” she promised, hugging him close. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When Tony proposed to her another month later, it was with the metal from his melted suit. It was a symbol. He promised to get her diamonds for the wedding. He hoped this would be enough and surprisingly, it was.

~*~

Steve pushed past the tapestry covering the hut and smiled at Bucky. He was on his back on the ground with a tablet in his hands. “White Wolf?”

Bucky shrugged as well as he could in his position. “It’s better than the Winter Soldier.”

“Then that can be your official name in the Anti-Avengers.”

“Is that your new team?” Bucky asked slyly.

Steve huffed a wry laugh, hanging his head. He settled on the ground near Bucky. “What are you reading?”

“Things. The news.”

Steve hadn’t read the news in months since the fight in Siberia. He had left something behind when he broke Tony’s arc reactor and it wasn’t his shield. Bucky had made him send the letter to Tony along with the flip phone. He had pressed the burner phone in Steve’s hand and made him promise to get his act together. If there was anyone who could get him in line, it was Bucky. He hadn’t heard back from Tony. It was disappointing. But he deserved it.

Sam and Natasha kept him up to date on what he needed to know and that was enough for him – it had to be. They kept the pulse of the Avengers going without involving any conflict. They steered clear of the ones who had signed the Accords mostly owing to the fact that it would get all of them in collective trouble. So, they operated underground. When Natasha got new tech on her Widow bracelets and Steve got updated blueprints for a suit, Steve knew who they were from. Shuri worked on the suit for him; she took up the slack where Tony wasn’t there: Falcon’s wings and Redwing, and Bucky’s arm. Tony’s distress was clear. Not that Steve blamed him. Sam and Bucky had each hurt someone close to Tony whether intentionally or unintentionally. He was not one to give up grudges so easily. He had learnt that in his life and honestly, Steve wanted to give him a break. He wanted to give their fight a break.

He missed his friend.

Bucky reached out to touch his beard and tugged at it. “You grew a beard only once before. With your sheer willpower, I must say. And it was when you liked that girl. What was her name? Nancy? She was on your paper route. Always came out to say hi till she stopped. You bore that stupid beard for months before you moved on.”

Steve shrugged, cheeks reddening. Realising that Tony wasn’t the only friend he missed, he felt a sharp pang in his chest. He remembered when Bucky used to know everything about him, and Steve didn’t even have to share. There were moments like this that reminded Steve of who Bucky was to him – before. Seventy years ago. However, there were more bad days than good, and this was a good day. Bucky was cognizant of the fact that Steve missed his friend, but he ignored it which made Steve feel incredibly guilty. He didn’t want to pressurize Bucky into thinking that he had to be a certain way for Steve. He knew he failed mostly. But Bucky was still the kindest man he knew.

Besides, Bucky had found a new friend. He had started spending time with Shuri in her lab and they had turned into good friends over the weeks that Bucky had spent out of the cryo. She loved telling him about what she was doing, and he loved listening to her. It reminded Steve of Tony and him. He felt a rush of affection towards Bucky, reaching out to catch his flesh hand in his. Bucky gave him an amused look but didn’t take his hand away.

“What’s the news?”

Bucky wordlessly thrust the tablet under Steve’s nose.

_SI CEO Pepper Potts ties the knot with Tony Stark_ glared at him from the top of the news article. He scrolled forward. There was a beautiful picture of Tony with the Iron Man suit on without the helmet on one knee holding up a ring towards Pepper dressed in her sharp skirt suit. The next picture was of them kissing gently but mostly smiling at each other, absolutely in love. Steve skimmed the rest of the article.

“Did you talk to him?” Bucky enquired, no judgment in his tone.

Steve blinked the wetness in his eyes away and shrugged again. “Nope. Not since the letter.”

“You should congratulate him,” Bucky coaxed gently.

Steve shook his head, smiling a little. “He’s happy. He’s finally happy. I’m not taking that away from him.”

“You can still be friends.”

“Not after what I did.”

“Steve Rogers doesn’t give up.” Bucky got up when he heard a few kids outside his hut and let them play with the sheep that had chosen to stick around.

Steve sat in the hut for hours holding the phone pressed against his chest.

And then there was Thanos.


	7. Still Don't Know My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endgame.

It is said that when the world is truly ending, the Defenders will rise and save it. Every time.

It is also said that if the best Defender falls to the ground, defeated and whispers, “Oh, God”, then it is time to pray. Nothing can save you now.

~*~

The remaining Avengers and family found each other in the Compound after Thanos. Steve apologised profusely to Okoye for the loss of most of their people and so many lay dead around them. He had promised that he didn’t trade lives, but it really didn’t feel like that when he looked around the carnage of the warzone. Besides, the life they had been fighting for was gone anyway. They buried Vision near the compound. Steve insisted that Tony would want that. Besides, he was the only one they could bury.

It was over two weeks since Thanos had left them devastated. Two weeks since he lost Sam, Bucky, Wanda, and now it felt very close to losing Tony as well. Bruce had told them what happened. They could only hold on to hope. There were a million things that could have gone wrong when Tony and the wizard went into space.

Carol promised to look when she turned up after Fury’s signal. They still hadn’t been able to contact Fury or Hill, so, they presumed the worst. She had been cleaning up around the other worlds, getting things in order and helping out where she could. They didn’t have much time to understand her, but they trusted her. They didn’t have much of a choice.

And so, they waited.

Pepper mostly stayed out of their business, but the ones left behind huddled together to understand what they could do now. There was still some adrenaline in their veins, but Steve could see that it was waning fast. He could feel himself being sapped of energy. They were trying. As they should, but they didn’t have it in them anymore. Looking for Tony and then finding Thanos were the only two things on their minds. It’s all they strived to do.

It was close to a month before they got the signal from Carol.

Tony was alive.

Steve, Pepper and Rhodey waited outside for hours, looking up at the sky even though they knew that Carol was still a few hours out from the Earth’s atmosphere. The sky faded into darkness and the stars twinkled in the sky before they finally made out a spaceship carried by a golden force – Carol.

Steve jogged across the grass to where Carol was setting the ship down. The hatch dropped open with a loud whine. A blue cyborg woman – Steve had seen weirder – helped an emaciated Tony out. Steve felt the pain and weakness in his bones. Tony would never accept help unless he had no option. He knew that if they hadn’t found Tony when they had, Tony would have been dead. Steve pushed that thought way, taking over Tony’s arm from the woman.

Tony turned around to squeeze her hand. Count on Tony to befriend and charm whomever he was trapped with. Steve took his weight, thankful for it. He tried to radiate his gratitude towards the man just for the fact that he was alive. Everything was falling apart but it felt just a little better if Tony was alive.

Tony grabbed at his arm, halting their progress. His eyes were filled with guilt and regret. Steve looked at his face and he couldn’t look away. Tony’s eyes were gaunt, and his cheeks were sucked in.

“Couldn’t stop him,” he admitted.

“Neither could I.”

“I lost the kid.” It was said as though he expected Steve to run the judgment on him right then. As if he expected Steve to leave him right there for failing him.

“Tony, we lost,” he told him. He had had time to come to terms with it. Of course, there was actually no acceptance in this path – only dissociation.

Tony seemed to allow that response, starting to move again. It was with a jolt that he remembered. “Is, uh…” He let the question trail away.

Before Steve could reassure him, Pepper found them.

She pulled Tony into a hug. “Oh my God. Oh my God.”

Tony fell into her arms, relief evident in the planes of his body. He was safe now.

Steve could leave. Tony was in the right hands.

~*~

When Pepper went to get food for Tony, he was alone in the medical room with Rhodey. Tony looked at him and he looked back. It was a split second between Rhodey crossing the room and tugging Tony close into his arms.

They had never needed to talk much.

When Tony had entered MIT, he had been equipped with camera ready charm and when he had walked out of it, he had realised what having heart meant. Rhodey was the one who taught him how to launder and fold his underwear. He held his hand when he got too drunk and needed to throw up. People often forgot that Tony was just fourteen or fifteen or sixteen. But Rhodey never did. Tony could have finished his degree at fifteen, but he didn’t. He wanted to stay. He was learning so much from Rhodey.

And he never did stop learning from him.

“I love you,” Tony mumbled into best friend’s shoulder.

Rhodey’s grip tightened on him for a second. “No Fun-vees. The next time you go with me.”

Tony laughed wetly and clung.

“I love you too, Tones. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re back.” _I couldn’t do this without you._

“I’m back.” _I couldn’t either._

“Don’t be stupid again.” _You will never have to._

~*~

There was finally a string of hope as they gathered together in the mission room. Steve could recall every mission that had started and ended here. He could remember Clint’s feet on the table. Thor, restless and loud, as he struggled to stay still in a chair. But he was always a good listener – he trusted Steve’s orders. Tony constantly moving and denying and fighting and arguing and challenging. Natasha with her cool demeanour and sharp questions. With a pang, Steve missed it.

He didn’t have to start the meeting. Rhodey had his eyes set on Tony as he spoke. He was eyeing Tony as though trying to commit his friend to the memory. He had come so close to losing him so many times.

Steve turned to Tony, eventually. They had exhausted all ideas among them, but Tony always had something; an ace up his sleeve. He could challenge Steve all he wanted but Tony always got the job done and Steve could count on him for that. He was their last hope.

“We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him.”

“Who told you that?” Tony asked, shaking his head in surprise. “I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. That’s what happened. There was no fight.” He was setting the record straight and regret weaved through every word he spoke.

“Okay,” Steve murmured, neutrally. Tony was tired. He needed time.

“He’s unbeatable.”

Steve felt his stomach bottom out. Tony never thought like that. “Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?” He felt desperate now. His skin tingled with the need to act.

“Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn’t wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.”

“Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus,” Steve spoke firmly. He needed an answer from Tony. Surely, he would help. Surely there was still hope.

“And I needed you!” he finally broke. “As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late, buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” He struggled into a standing position, knocking multiple things down. His soup fell with a slop, the bowl clattering on the ground for a good few seconds. “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling all of you-“

“Tony, Tony, Tony!” Rhodey caught him. He tried to communicate without words, but Tony refused to look at him, pushing past him.

“Alive and otherwise. What we needed was a suit of armour around the world. Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not. That’s what we needed!”

Only Tony could wind him up. Only Tony could be everything he needed desperately but also something he wanted to be away from. Tony was his truth. Tony was the mirror that Steve refused to look into. He wished he had. Tony had given him multiple opportunities, but he had squandered them all. And he felt the desperation climb up his throat and turn to poison in his mouth. “Well that didn’t work out, did it?” he responded, icily.

Tony continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “I said, ‘we’d lose’. You said, ‘We’ll do that together too’. And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We’re the _A_vengers, not the _Pre_vengers.”

“Okay,” Rhodey soothed.

“Right?” Tony contested.

“You made your point. Just sit down.” There was concern laced in Rhodey’s voice with admonishment. This wasn’t the first time he was bringing Tony down from a fight.

“Okay…” He seemed to listen.

“Okay?” Rhodey seemed surprised.

But Tony was really spoiling for a fight. “Nah, nah. Here’s my point. You know what?”

“Tony, you’re sick.” A clear command from Rhodey.

“She’s great, by the way,” Tony turned to Carol. A million emotions flitted across his face. His mind was working fast again. His eyes were bright but close to feverish.

“Sit down. Sit.” Rhodey was reaching his limit.

“We need you. You’re new blood. Bunch of tired old mules!” He aimed at Carol and in the same breath, he turned to Steve and spewed vitriol. “I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. _Liar_.”

Each word lodged itself into Steve’s chest and he felt the fight leave him. This was his penance. He had to pay the price for abandoning his team when they needed him the most. The Avengers had broken up and they all had failed to stop Thanos but the responsibility lay on Steve. He had failed to keep the team together when it counted. Master strategist, his ass. He hadn’t seen how Loki and Thanos had tied together. But Tony had and Steve had refused to open his eyes to the truth.

Tony stood before him, fire dancing in his eyes. With purpose, he tugged the arc reactor off, turning Steve’s hand and putting it squarely in his palm. Steve burned with shame remembering when he had driven the shield through the old one. His hand clenched anxiously around this one, trying to think of what to say.

“Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on. You hide.” Tony remarked.

The fight seemed to leave him immediately as he crumpled to the ground.

“Tony!” he cried out, trying to catch him.

“I’m fine, I…” He murmured before he promptly passed out.

Steve stuck to the background as Bruce, Pepper and Rhodey tended to Tony. He had ended up pushing Tony again to soothe his own concerns. He should have let Tony rest. Instead, he had asked Tony to stretch himself. He could feel the anger and disappointment rolling off Pepper and Rhodey’s shoulders aimed at him. Some of it was also towards Natasha. She stayed close to Steve, trying to hide how affected she was by Tony’s state.

In the end, they had forgotten another newcomer – Nebula. She located Thanos for them.

But it was pointless.

Zero. Zip. Nada.

No trust.

_Liar_.

~*~

Steve remembered the smell of disinfectant from when he had been a child and teenager. More often than not, he ended up in a hospital under his mother’s care. After his mother passed away in the same bed that he had occupied so many times before, he stopped being able to afford healthcare at a hospital. Instead, Bucky started taking care of him.

Steve pushed himself off the door jamb and entered the room where Tony slept on the bed. There was an IV attached to him. Apart from that, it was just a room at the compound. Tony hated the medical ward, so, this wasn’t one of those rooms. It had been Pepper’s idea. Nobody disputed it. Rhodey and Thor help set it up. It was testament to the fact that Tony was so tired that he didn’t wake up when Steve settled at the side of the bed beside Tony’s thighs. He sighed, running his hands over his face.

Tony’s words kept running through his mind. His hand automatically covered the weight in his pocket. The shape of it jutted out from Steve’s pants pulled over his thigh. He traced the triangular edge of it before pulling it out. He looked at the device. It was so much smaller than the ones he had seen before. Tony was brilliant. Steve sighed and pressed it against his lips.

Steve had thought that it was about Tony reminding him the way that Steve had broken his trust by driving the shield into his chest. But it was more than that. Tony had given him his heart. This was the second time. And Steve had been so bad at it the first time. He sighed quietly, drowning in his thoughts. On a whim, he left the arc reactor on Tony’s sidetable before leaving for the mission against Thanos.


	8. I Won't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endgame fix-it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is very important to me and this story. 
> 
> Also, this is how it should have gone.

“We should get married.” They were the first words Tony spoke after waking up and hearing about Thanos. He was gone but the world was still fucked.

Pepper looked at him and he looked back. There was pragmatism in their gaze. They had to start adjusting and honestly, Tony had historically proven that parties tended to make everyone feel better. And this one needed to be grand if they were going to make it work.

“Let’s get married,” she replied. They didn’t smile.

Two months later, Tony saw her start to smile when she took over the planning. They had purchased property out of the city when they had first gotten engaged. Tony had insisted on getting a big home with enough space for kids. The wedding would be held there, overlooking the city in the distance among the trees. While Pepper planned the wedding, Tony focused on rebuilding the house. It had suffered some destruction over the past month but nothing that wasn’t fixable. So, he levelled it and started from scratch.

He was Tony Stark. He could solve anything. His eyes caught the picture of Peter and he swallowed back the regret building up in his chest. He had looked for May Parker the second he had felt well enough. Ran through every name on the cold marble and found it on the fifteenth one. He hated the fact that he was relieved because he had failed her so spectacularly. He had taken the kid’s life.

The day of the wedding dawned bright over the newly completed house and the beautifully decorated gardens. There were chairs in a particular order and a carpet leading up to the altar. Neither Pepper nor Tony was much for tradition or religion. Rhodey would be their pastor – Tony had bullied him into getting an online certification from the School of Pokémon or something equally ridiculous.

Happy was Tony’s best man and Nebula stood at Pepper’s side, utterly confused and uncomfortable. The ceremony was short, but the party was long. There was champagne flowing and music playing.

~*~

Tony’s hand pressed against the small of Steve’s back. They were close together, eyes on each other. No matter how much height the shoes gave Tony, he was still shorter than Steve. In a moment of mania, he wanted to step on Steve’s shoes to gain height. But they weren’t close. They weren’t anything. This was just courtesy. Steve was nothing if not chock full of good manners. Whatever had happened at Clint’s farmhouse was ancient history and obviously did not mean anything to Steve.

“Thanks for-“ Steve started, resting a hand carefully on Tony’s shoulder and the other hand gripped Tony’s securely. “Thanks – thanks for agreeing to this. To dance with me.”

“It’s my wedding, Cap. Everyone wants to dance with me,” he replied flippantly.

That wasn’t true. Everyone wanted to dance with Pepper, which made sense. She looked heavenly. Tony couldn’t believe his luck. She passed by them in Happy’s arms, laughing as he swept her around the dancing floor. She met Tony’s eyes with a soft smile, her hair in disarray and breath fast – she was gorgeous. Steve had already taken Pepper for a dance. And then, inexplicably, he had asked Tony. Even more confusingly, Tony had agreed.

The song changed to something soft. Steve blinked, almost gasping.

“What?” Tony asked, starting to dance with a jerk. He realised they had just been standing there for the last minute.

Steve smiled slightly, joining in. “I like this song.”

_When I look into your eyes,_

_It’s like watching the night sky,_

_Or a beautiful sunrise,_

_There’s so much they hold._

_And just like them old stars,_

_I see that you’ve come so far,_

_To be right where you are,_

_How old is your soul. _

Tony smiled back, slowly swaying with Steve in the same place. Their hands had fallen from the formal position; both of Tony’s hand were on Steve’s shoulders and Steve’s hands were wrapped around his waist. “Why?” he asked, softly. The rest of the world fell away for a few moments.

Steve shrugged slightly, not enough to jostle them. “It reminds me of you.”

Tony’s brain whirred with the next million obvious questions and cues that would be useful to determine the right question to ask, but he couldn’t. It didn’t fit. Steve didn’t care about him. Then why would he want to not give up on ‘them’? There was no ‘them’. There never was.

Before Tony could do anything more, Natasha drew closer. “Do you mind if I take the groom for a spin?” she asked, lips twisted into a sweet smile.

Tony turned to her, grateful for the distraction. “The groom would be delighted.”

Steve let go. Tony refused to believe that there was a disappointment in his eyes. Instead, he turned to Natasha like a graceful host.

They continued their streak by not talking about the moment again.

~*~

Tony was driving back from the store with pickles and chocolate ice cream – pregnant Pepper had weird tastes – when he saw something that changed his life. Maybe not for the better but well he considered it significant. There was a street he crossed that had giant bungalows hidden by hedges behind it. Most of them looked abandoned. One of them, in particular, gave looked like a horror house with foliage gone crazy in the past six months. 

Tony had good reason to stop right in front of that house. There was a fucking alpaca stopping his path. He looked fairly confused. It hummed in the direction of Tony’s truck – something he never thought he’d purchase but house repair material could not be carried in an Audi R8. Tony got out and looked at the tag hanging around the offending animal’s neck.

_Beloved Gerald._

Surely Pepper wouldn’t blame him for bringing Gerald home. He herded the alpaca up on his truck and drove back.

“Pep!” He called out, dropping the keys in the bowl near the door.

“Did you bring me ice cream?” She asked, snatching the bag away and giving a small happy cry as she claimed the ice cream.

Tony eyed her, amusedly. “I brought a friend.”

“Who?” She questioned around a spoon of ice cream. “Steve?”

“No, Gerald!” Manic glee.

There were alarms going off in Pepper’s head. He could hear them.

In the end, Gerald was allowed to stay in the backyard and that was only because Pepper’s maternal instinct could not let the animal go starving when they had so much food – _“We have enough, Tony. For Gerald too. But he’s not sleeping in our bed or I will kill you and make him a coat out of your skin”._

~*~

_Tony: 6.42 AM: Say hi to Morgan H. Stark._

Steve stared at the picture of the little pink baby girl for hours. He felt hope envelop him whole. He needed to meet this miracle of life. With times so bleak and so many people teetering on the edges of their sanity, this is what they needed – hope. This child was hope and love borne into one little package. It helped that she was adorable.

Natasha and he drove down to meet the Starks at their home. Rhodey was already there, helping out. Bruce had been off the radar since the past few months but sometimes resurfaced to assure everyone of his wellbeing.

Pepper held the swathed child to her chest, looking proudly at her. Steve felt the hope swell and it turned into an almost tangible thing. He shared a smile with Tony. Tony hadn’t stopped smiling since they had come and probably hadn’t since Morgan had been born. Dressed in sweats covered with baby food and odd stains, he had a clean cloth tossed over his shoulder every fifteen minutes. He often looked over to Pepper and his daughter, rushing around to make things comfortable for them.

“Can I hold her?” Steve asked, softly.

Pepper looked up. She didn’t like him; Steve could see that. He deserved it for hurting Tony. After a few moments, she sighed, turning a tired smile towards the baby before handing her over carefully. She fussed over the blanket and then let Steve hold her.

She was tiny in his arms. Natasha leaned over to brush her fingers through the baby’s soft hair. She sighed happily and Morgan scrunched her nose at the touch. Steve and Natasha laughed quietly. It must have been hours that they just watched the child, but it was only a few minutes before Pepper reclaimed her. They were invited to dinner.

Tony made pasta with enough garlic to make the Italians proud. It was a good night. They listened to Tony and Pepper explain the trip to the hospital with intonations from Rhodey. Steve and Natasha remained quiet, laughing at the right points.

It was time that Steve listened.

~*~

Five years walked past them. They continued to exist.

Then Scott Lang returned.

~*~

Over the last four years, Steve hadn’t shown up since Morgan’s birth. None of them had. And Tony liked it that way. He really wasn’t looking forward to any more fights. He didn’t want arguments or discussions. They were moving on. They had to move on.

Morgan ran ahead inside as Tony greeted the guests.

The plan was impossible and stupid. But the three of them were giddy on their optimism; they still wanted to win. Before this all began, Tony was reckless because he thought he had nothing to lose. He could afford to lose his life. Now, he had a life that was worth living for. He had made Pepper a promise he wanted to keep. He needed to keep it. Morgan wasn’t expendable. Morgan was everything and Tony wasn’t willing to trade that for a fluke idea.

Steve met his eyes and Tony was taken aback by the desperation evident there. This wasn’t the Steve Rogers Tony knew. This was someone trying to hold himself together with spit and fingerprinted scotch tape. And he was falling apart. But what surprised Tony more was the sliver of hope like light cracking through dark clouds. He needed this to work.

“We have a chance to bring her back. Bring everyone back. And you’re telling me that you won’t even-“ Scott was saying.

Tony cut him off sharply. “That’s right, Scott, I won’t even. I got a kid.”

Morgan ran up to her father, worming her way into his arms and Tony held on to her.

“Mommy told me to come and save you.”

“Good job. I’m saved.”

~*~

Steve’s heart twinged at the sight. They were asking Tony to give up too much – again. They had no right. He shuttered the emotions from his eyes. Tony had no place for his truth in his life. Tony was complete. How dare Steve try to take that away from him? He had taken too much already. _We don’t trade lives_.

“I wish you’d come here to ask me something else. Anything else,” Tony was saying. Steve felt that twinge again at the sincerity. “Honestly, I-I missed you guys, it was… Oh, and the table’s set for six.”

“Tony, I get it. I’m happy for you, I really am. And you’re right. We cannot involve you in this. You deserve your life and your family. You deserve your happiness.”

“We missed you too, Tony,” Natasha added, nodding her head and reaching out to pinch Morgan’s cheek.

Morgan giggled and hid her face in Tony’s shoulder.

“We’d love to stay,” Steve continued. “But we don’t want to-“

“Steve, you’re always welcome here. All of you. Now, if you don’t talk shop, you can stay for lunch.”

Steve smiled a little as Morgan jumped off Tony’s lap and curiously made her way towards the three new faces. He realised that Morgan didn’t recognise him. How could she? She had barely been a few hours old when they first met. Why had he missed out on so much in her life? Her eyes were filled with wonder and they were the same brown as her father. They held the same secrets of the universe behind the twinkle. Steve was enraptured.

But she obviously had her mother’s tact and dignity. She wasn’t verbal like Tony yet; she measured her words and she was only four. She held out a hand towards Steve as if deciding that he would be her friend out of the three strangers. Steve couldn’t help but smile as he held her tiny hand in his. He looked up to see Tony smirking a little.

“Let’s go.” Tony led them inside the house for lunch.

They ended up not talking about the plan at all and discussed everything else on the planet from movies to politics. And Steve found that Morgan was a lot more like Tony – she could talk a mile a minute. It was a relief from the consistent worry. It was exactly what they needed. Steve could always count on Tony to know what they needed.


	9. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony meets his dad.

When Tony was in college, there was a course requirement to get a relevant internship. A day before the last date of registration for the term, he sent his application to Stark Industries with an email just saying, “Please, Dad”. He got an immediate rejection. Fifteen calls between Tony and his parents bore no fruit – his father was adamant that he should earn some life experience. With a lot of difficulties, he avoided being loaned out to a non-profit organisation during the summer.

He charmed his professor to give him another week to sort out the issue. He finally snagged an internship with Apple. When they asked him for photographs, he had worried for a second before a newspaper caught his eye. It took him a few minutes to collect magazines and newspapers that had decent pictures of him without looking too drugged. It was harder still to find pictures without sunglasses. But poring through over a hundred articles, he managed.

And that’s when he realised, he never needed to click pictures. He never needed to store photographs.

At the tender age of 31, he was dating Rumiko Fujikawa and he was in love with her. She was gorgeous and smart. She made him a better man than he was or ever believed he could be. Everyone in his life approved of her wholeheartedly. So, when she asked for pictures on her Nikon, he never refused. When she eventually left him, she left him a scrapbook with their photographs. It had survived all the explosions in his life, surprisingly.

Even when he married Pepper, there weren’t a lot of photographs. She was always understanding of his quirks, except for the superhero thing. One could argue that maybe wearing a tin can and fighting intergalactic forces wasn’t so much as a quirk as a death wish. So, they had a singular piece of framed paper over their mantle – a crumpled drawing of three stick figures and an animal in the background. The rest of Morgan’s artwork was stuck around Tony’s makeshift workshop.

There was one photograph that Tony had dug out from the Tower before he had abandoned the building for good. It wasn’t displayed at the forefront; it lay hidden behind a couple of mugs worn down by the strong swill – or coffee – Tony drank and the frequent abandonment in the yard leading to some toying by Gerald.

Tony never forgot the existence of that photograph. It caught his eye often simply because its existence called out to Tony so strongly. Tugging it out from its hiding place, Tony could feel the guilt and the regret palpably. The guilty relief over May’s dusting had mutilated into bargaining and sorrow. Maybe sharing the grief of loss with her would have absolved him of some of the guilt but he knew that he didn’t deserve that. Not even Peter’s friends had survived. It was as though Peter, Ned, MJ, and May had never existed. Tony had taken his time to remember each of their names and things about them that FRIDAY could dig up.

He ran a finger over the frame of the picture, deep in thought. Peter dying was on him. It was his fault. If he hadn’t let Peter help, he would still be alive – probably. There was a better chance, anyway. His brain betrayed him because the probability that Thanos ran did not change with proximity, otherwise, none of the Avengers would have made it. But he died in pain; Tony could have helped him avoid that.

So, if there was a chance that he could bring Peter back, could he really let that go?

But he could lose Morgan.

Could he really choose between Morgan and Peter?

Was this a choice between them?

He could save them both. If they were crazy enough to save the world, he could have them both.

_I love you 3000._

He had to save both his kids and Pepper agreed. When was she ever wrong? He trusted her unequivocally.

~*~

Steve had a moment to take a breath. He was Captain America after all and no matter how good the security was, he was still a good soldier. He managed to hide in an office. Turning around, he was taken aback. The plaque on the table read _Margaret Carter_. Steve’s breath caught. Of all the rooms he could have ended up in, it was this one.

The compass burned a hole in his pocket. Steve slipped the artefact open, his finger moving in a practised motion to open it. He rubbed his thumb along the well-worn side. He remembered the first time he had held it in his hands; he had found it one of the shoeboxes that his mother kept in her cupboard. She had told him about his father and grandfather. They were stories that he had never heard before. He would hold the compass and ask her to repeat the stories.

When he turned sixteen and his mother found her way into what would be the last hospital she would be in, she handed over the letter that had been passed on from heir to heir, except for his father. His grandfather had not entrusted the heirloom to his father because he didn’t trust him, and he was right not to. So, he gave the compass to Steve’s mother asking for a promise. And Sarah had agreed. She passed it on to Steve when it was time.

He loved the watch because it stood for a better time. It stood for his grandfather’s faith in his mother and his mother’s faith in him. It was his mother’s values and her love packed into the tiny little device. He didn’t remember the words in the letter, but he remembered the adoration and the responsibility that the letter emanated.

He traced Peggy’s smile and froze when he heard her voice from the other side of the wall. Finding his way to the window between the rooms, he caught sight of the one he had loved and lost; it didn’t feel better, they were lying. He curled his fingers, resting a fist against the glass. She looked healthy and happy. Fulfilled in a way that only her progress and success could have brought. He knew that she had gotten married to Daniel D’Souza. Peggy had told him all about the man whenever she was lucid enough to remember. She loved him and her two children were beautiful. Steve had seen them once when they had crossed him in the hospital.

Of course, he had heard the stories from Peggy, so he had an idea of what her life had been like without Steve. Post Steve. And he believed her. But seeing her now made him realise that she was _happy_. She looked busy as she moved around the room, talking as she did. He couldn’t make out the words, but he could tell that she had managed to carve out a place for herself in this world – with pure effort and will power. She belonged.

And it was suddenly clear to Steve. He smiled to himself, stepping back before Peggy could catch him.

Making his way out now, the corridor was safe. He went down the stairs this time, trying to look inconspicuous at the corner of the training yard. He caught Tony’s eyes who pointed dorkily at the suitcase. He hid a smile behind his hand. It was a second punch to his stomach when he saw Howard. Nostalgia and rage warred inside him. He missed who he had known but he hated the man that Howard had become. He had been an abusive husband and father.

But Tony was smiling. Maybe it was more than one person who would get their closure.

They made it back to their timeline, a little more peaceful than they had been before.

~*~

“Hey! Door’s this way, pal!”

Tony startled but turned around. Out of everyone he would have thought he’d see, Howard was the last man.

“Looking for Dr Zola, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, no Dr Zola. Haven’t-haven’t seen a soul.” He crashed into a stool. “Pardon me.”

“Do I know you?” Howard asked, wary of Tony.

“No, sir. I’m a visitor from MIT.” He pulled out a card. He was glad that he had made Steve wait ten whole minutes to get their backstory ready.

“Oh.” Howard seemed impressed. “MIT,” he repeated with a grin. “Got a name?”

Tony’s brain short circuited. “Howard.”

“That’ll be easy to remember.”

And because he hadn’t dug himself into a deeper hole yet. “Potts,” he added confidently.

“Well, I’m, uh, Howard Stark,” his father responded holding a hand out towards Tony.

Howard had never done that. He’d never held his hand out to Tony. He never hugged him or touched him. So, he was confused. He grabbed at Howard’s hand nervously and stared embarrassed when he ended up with Howard’s index finger in his hand. He had an odd flashback of being young, too young, and holding his father’s finger in his tiny hand.

“Shake that, don’t pull it,” Howard commented, amused.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, pulling away.

“You look a little green around the gills there, uh, Potts.”

“Oh, fine. Just long hours.” If only Howard knew.

“You wanna get some air?” He thumbed in the direction of the door.

Tony had spent years hating this man. He had loved him underneath all of it. Respected him. Wanted to be him. But he had also hated him. Hated the distance. Hated the way he made him feel. There was nothing that could replace a parent’s love or the feeling of failing at making them proud. But in this short conversation, he had managed to get a handshake and an impressed look from his father. Something that years in his presence hadn’t earned him.

“Hello, Potts.” There was that snark. Howard had his eyebrows raised, still waiting for an answer.

“Yeah! That’d be swell.”

“That way.”

“Okay.”

“Need your briefcase?”

Tony accepted it with a smile, mentally berating himself for forgetting the plot.

“You’re not one of those beatniks are you, Potts?”

The second that Tony and Howard stepped into the hallway, Tony had the second shock of his life. He paused in the doorway, making Howard walk right into him. Howard made a harrumphing noise, pushing past Tony to help Maria up. With Howard’s help, she got to her feet, one hand covering her swollen belly protectively. Tony realised that it was him. He knew that objectively it was him. But realising that he was a life growing inside his mother’s womb was odd.

“This is my wife, Potts. Maria. And that’s my child.”

Maria smiled warmly. “Hello, Mr Potts.”

“Mrs Stark,” Tony responded feeling warmth flood him.

Seeing Howard was odd. But seeing his mother was cathartic. He felt himself walking closer to her. She looked surprised but obliged by hugging him. He felt his own presence between them and pulled away with a smile.

“Congratulations,” he murmured.

She inclined her head, fondly. “Thank you, Mr Potts. He’s very fussy. Oh – he’s kicking. Howard, darling, would you like to?” She grinned at Tony. “Ah, he’s doing it more around you. Oh, darling,” she soothed rubbing her stomach.

Howard pushed closer, resting a hand and grinning at Tony with eyes wide and excited. Tony couldn’t comprehend why Howard looked like that. Had there been a time when he had been excited about having Tony? That did not compute but it was right in front of his eyes.

“Ah,” Maria murmured again. She winced. “Howard, I need to go home.”

“Let’s go,” Howard replied, agreeably, eyes round with worry.

“I’m alright,” she promised with a soft smile.

Tony had never seen such an interaction between his parents. He wanted to soak this in, almost forgetting his mission. Fortunately, he didn’t leave the briefcase behind this time. His parents walked a step ahead of him. Howard turned around when they were inside the elevator. He smiled, a knowing look in his eyes. But whatever Howard thought he knew; he had no idea what he was seeing. But that was between Tony and the cube. And, well, Steve.

“So, you got any kids, Potts?” Howard asked, a smirk curling his lips.

“One. Daughter, Morgan.” He felt pride swell up in his chest.

“That’s great,” Howard responded, slapping Tony’s back.

Tony stumbled but smiled at Howard anyway. He looked over at Maria and realised just how much Morgan looked like her. “You know, she has your eyes,” he addressed Maria.

Maria scrunched up her nose, inclining her face to a side, her eyes incredulously pointed at Tony. Tony could see Morgan in that second and at the same time realised what he had said. He couldn’t stop smiling at his mother.

“I mean, she has eyes like yours.”

“She must be very beautiful,” Maria chuckled to herself.

“She is,” Tony murmured, sincerely.

Maria’s eyebrows furrowed for a second, but she smiled indulgently at Tony. “Oh! He won’t stop kicking today. He must like you very much, Mr Potts.”

Tony’s heart stuttered and continued to smile. 

“So, where you at with names?” Tony inquired. If the timeline required him to nudge his parents towards his name, well, then, who was he to complain.

“I like Elmonzo,” Maria murmured lovingly, both hands covering her belly.

Howard smiled from beside her, an arm across her shoulders.

“Huh! Well, you might wanna let that stew awhile. You got time,” Tony responded quickly, shuddering at the thought of him getting bullied for that name.

“Mr Potts, it was great to see you,” Maria spoke genially when they were close to the car. “Oh!” She laughed musically when Tony hugged her again.

“It was good to see you too,” Tony mumbled, sniffing conspicuously. He ducked his head so she wouldn’t see how misty his eyes were. He pulled away as quickly as he had hugged her. He could feel Howard’s eyes on him.

“Ah, we’ve reached the car. Jarvis, please help Maria inside.”

Jarvis walked forward quickly, taking Maria by the elbow. Tony’s eyes tracked him, feeling nostalgia choke up his throat. He missed his parents and Jarvis.

With Maria gone, Tony could sense the anxiety rolling off Howard.

“When your kid was born,” Howard started in a rush, “were you nervous?”

“Wildly.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you feel qualified? Like, any idea how to successfully operate that thing?”

Tony wanted to laugh. The reason he didn’t was standing right in front of him. “I literally pieced it together as I went along. I thought about what my mom did and…” He noticed Steve giving him a thumbs up. He realised that they were on a time bound mission.

“I thought my dad was tough on me. And, now, looking back on it, I just remember the good stuff. You know? He did drop the odd pearl.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“No amount of money ever bought a second of time.”

“Smart guy.”

“He did his best.” Tony felt choked up suddenly. He had to leave them behind, but he hoped with all of his heart that Howard took the closure for what it was meant to be. He was a smart man, but Tony hoped that he would piece it together.

“Tell you what, the kid’s not even here yet, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”

Tony thought back to everything his father had said to him and let it go. He knew that he had forgiven his father a long time ago, but it had taken meeting him for truly letting it go. Something unfurled in Tony’s chest that day. He realised it was closure; something he never thought he’d get.

Steve gave him the universal look of “what’s taking so long” and Tony pointed at the suitcase to reassure him.

Howard was waiting for him when he turned around to say goodbye.

“Good to meet you, Potts.”

“Yeah. Howard,” he started carefully. “Everything’s gonna be alright.” And for the first time, he believed it. So, he did it. He did what he had wished his father would have done all these years. He hugged him. “Thank you… For everything… You’ve done for this country,” he ended awkwardly. He stepped closer to Jarvis and held out a hand.

Jarvis was confused but he shook his hand genially. “Good evening, sir.”

“Thank you, Jarvis,” he said quietly, smiling at the man.

Jarvis smiled back, a little bemused.

Tony turned around and left.

Sauerkraut and flowers.

His children were worth this. Morgan, Peter. Even Harley and Nebula. They were worth this effort.


	10. The Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fixing it.

And then he got to hold Peter again.

For five minutes, everything seemed good. It looked like the Avengers had done it – Tony would get to keep both the kids. The following eighty minutes were a clusterfuck.

When Tony thought everything was going wrong and there was no chance that they could ever win, Strange held up a single finger and it all fell into place. Tony smiled because it worked. The stones were with him. Pure electricity set his veins on fire. He could feel the stones killing him.

Steve was running. Tony had a peripheral memory from five years ago when Steve had sprinted across the field to the spaceship. Steve’s hand closed around his armour covered hand. Tony willed the nanobots to retract from his arm so that Steve was touching his skin. Tony saw Steve’s pain in clear detail; the grimace on his face and the sparks of power on his skin making his dirty, sweaty face shine ethereally. Tony jerked when Rhodey’s hand grabbed him around the neck. He cried out at the pain, doubling over. What Tony thought was time relaxing around his family and him contracted immediately into milliseconds.

Strange must have warned everyone while they were returning from the Soul Stone because in the time that Tony looked up and Thanos realised he didn’t have the stones; the Avengers were circled around the large Titan. Tony smirked through the pain; it was significantly decreased and spread across the entire group now.

“I’m inevitable.”

Pause.

The realisation broke Thanos’s face into shock.

“And I’m Iron Man.”

_The snap._

Tony crumbled.

~*~

When the Avengers first started to come together, they started getting hurt consistently. Clint and Tony were the most likely to get banged up. That’s when they realised that Tony hated hospitals. After one awful encounter with Doctor Doom where the Fantastic Four showed up and ruined things – as usual, Tony was unconscious by the time they found him in the rubble of the buildings. Steve carried him out bridal style in his suit with the faceplate missing.

They had some medical capabilities at the Tower, but they all agreed that Tony needed a hospital; Steve insisted. When two days later, with Steve and Pepper posted at his bedside, Tony woke up, the two could tell that he was freaking out as he tried to talk his way out of the hospital. Steve and Pepper shared a look. Pepper handled the situation and Tony was out of the hospital by the evening. The next day the Tower got high-end medical facilities with a regularly posted staff.

In the present, Tony was hurt; Tony was dying. Steve only had eyes for Tony. Even as he snapped his fingers. Even as a ripple of relief and shock went through the group. They all felt it like the power of the stones. Tony winced and there was a loud crack as the stones’ power was released. The group fell apart. They collected in smaller groups, tending to the ones who were hurt.

But Steve had eyes only for Tony.

“Tony.” The word fell out of his mouth before he could stop it. His free hand dropped the hammer and slid up to Tony’s cheek.

Tony’s skin was marred all along one side; his left arm hung limp and he winced as he looked up at Steve. He blinked slowly unable to speak.

“You’re okay,” Steve murmured, tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re okay, Tony. You won. You’re a hero.” He ended the word on a sob.

Peter slid at Steve’s side, almost crashing into Tony but stopping at the right moment. “Mr Stark. Hey, Mr Stark? Can you hear me? It’s Peter. Hey. We won, Mr Stark… We won, Mr Stark. We won. You did it, sir. You did it.”

Tony remained quiet but there was a soft smile curling his lips. Steve could see clearly how much Tony loved Peter. He was so happy to see him alive. Steve didn’t have to look at Peter to know that he was crying now.

“I’m sorry… Tony…” Peter whispered, falling back on his butt. Someone pulled him away as Pepper took his place.

Steve gasped softly and moved to a side. Pepper caught his arm, not letting him leave but her eyes were trained on Tony. They didn’t need words for what needed to be said.

“Hey, Pep,” Tony finally mumbled barely audible.

Pepper’s hand rested over Tony’s arc reactor. Steve had seen the first arc reactor in Tony’s workshop long ago; it felt like a lifetime ago and Steve knew intimately what that was like. Pepper’s hand clenched over the suit. She still saw this as Tony’s heart even if it was detachable.

“FRIDAY?” She murmured.

“Life functions critical, but there is hope. The nanobots are healing the worst of the injuries. We need to get help.”

“Tony, look at me,” she spoke. This time it was Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries. “We’re gonna be okay. You and I and Morgan. We can rest now. Together.”

Rhodey was shouting something. There was commotion replacing the quiet of the win. The air thundered around Steve and he looked at Tony. Tony’s eyes flickered towards him and he gave Steve the softest smile. It was goodbye.

“Tony, no!” he cried out, pushing closer but not dislodging Pepper. “We’re gonna be okay.” He rested his forehead against Tony’s, focusing on his eyes. “Tony, please. Tony, Tony, Tony.”

Before Steve knew it, there were people moving him away; hands scrabbling along his shoulders and arms. He let himself be led away but he wouldn’t let them keep him more than a few feet from Tony. Pepper and Rhodey took lead on getting Tony help with Shuri shouting out orders to the Dora Milaje. Peter was at Steve’s elbow, tears streaming down his face. Steve realised with a jolt that this was the worst thing the boy had been through. There were lifetimes of trauma that wouldn’t be soothed easily.

Steve hung at the back of the Quinjet. One of the women of the Dora Milaje tried to get Peter to leave but Steve held onto the boy’s arm.

“He stays,” he rasped. They stayed towards the back of the Quinjet.

Peter was looking at Steve with gratitude, but Steve couldn’t look at him. There were emotions roiling within him. He was terrified of what was going to happen to Tony. He couldn’t lose him; just the thought had him on the edge. He felt like he was spilling out of his own skin. There was embarrassment too. Everyone had seen him hold Tony close. He knew he shouldn’t care about that, but his frazzled brain had caught onto that and the anxiety of losing Tony was making him fixate on it. He ran a hand through his sweaty dirty hair roughly.

“Mr Captain America,” Peter piped up.

Steve realised that Peter was shaking but his eyes were concerned for him. “Steve,” he corrected.

“Mr Steve, are you okay?” He grabbed Steve’s arm with a shaking hand.

“No,” he replied eventually.

“We should sit.” Peter tugged him to sit on the bench near the door of the Quinjet. “Mr Stark will be okay.”

Steve hummed noncommittally.

“He’s in good hands.”

“Hm.”

“Mr Steve?”

“Steve.”

“Steve?”

“What?”

“Do you love him?”

Steve looked at him. He knew what Peter was asking. “Yes,” he answered, wrecked.

“He loves you too.”

“No. He could never love me. He has Pepper.” He truly believed that; had resigned to the fact already.

“Mr St- I mean, Steve, he has a big heart. The biggest one I know. Except for Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Of course, my parents, but I didn’t know them all that much before they-“ He cut himself off. “What I’m saying is, he has place in his heart for both of you.”

And that’s when Steve cried and cried and cried on the shoulder of a sixteen-year-old who held on just as hard.


	11. I'm a Sucker For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony left Steve messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the Jonas Brothers' song. 
> 
> So sorry for the delay but I hope the length makes up for it.   
And also the lingerie fic. :D
> 
> Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year everyone!

Shuri was able to stabilise Tony’s condition even in her wrecked lab. Bruce helped but he was neither Bruce nor Hulk, seemingly lacking the affection and patience of the man from before. Even the aggression was gone. Maybe it was relief that took the place of the lifelong rage, but Steve couldn’t really relate to this man – he used the word loosely – at all.

Throughout the surgery, Pepper, Rhodey and Steve were posted outside the door. Peter had been drawn away by Bucky and Sam to sleep and rest. Besides, May Parker had gotten in touch with her nephew and was flying in the next morning. Bucky and Sam had tried to convince the other three, but it hadn’t been firm; they knew it wasn’t going to happen. Bucky had stayed by Steve’s side till Sam took him away as well and Steve _had_ pushed him to leave anyway. Griot kept them updated, though his abilities were limited because of the damage.

It was early morning the next day when Shuri finally walked out of the lab, exhausted. T’Challa and Bucky had joined the band of people waiting outside the door by then. Shuri hugged T’Challa first, hanging onto him. Steve realised that she hadn’t gotten a chance to celebrate the fact that her brother was alive; that she was alive. To Steve’s surprise, she hugged Bucky next with the same intensity and Bucky was just as enthusiastic, laughing at something she whispered in his ear. Steve seemed to have missed a lot in his friends’ lives. Something ached inside him. He had to do better.

“He’s alright,” Shuri murmured to the group, held up by T’Challa. Bucky had an arm across her shoulders as well. “He’ll live.” She smiled but it faded soon. “He has only 20% vision in his right eye and Bruce and I had to amputate his right arm.”

Pepper stumbled – and she never stumbled – over to her and held Shuri to her chest. “Thank you for saving my husband. You should go and rest.” She kissed Shuri’s forehead. “Go enjoy with your family. You did your job.”

Steve realised that this was Pepper in the role of a mother, and he smiled softly, feeling calm suddenly. Shuri nodded, wiping tears away furiously and left with T’Challa, chattering at him all the way. Bucky came to stand beside Steve, shaking him by the shoulder.

With Shuri gone, Steve, Pepper, and Rhodey carefully made their way inside the lab. How Shuri found working equipment inside the wreck of a lab was a shock to Steve but not something he was preoccupied by. When his eyes fell on Tony, he gasped quietly. Pepper and Rhodey were still as well.

Tony looked small and even though Shuri had warned them about his arm, they could never have prepared themselves for how helpless Tony looked. There was an IV and an oxygen mask attached to Tony. The right side of his face was burnt and disfigured. Half his hair was gone. Most of his face and his entire shoulder was covered in bandages soaked with blood. The machines around the room beeped softly.

Steve couldn’t help but remember his intense hatred for hospitals. Of course, this was nothing like one, but it wasn’t home either. Tony would hate this.

“Tony would hate this,” Pepper echoed his thought.

He shared a smile with her and Steve nodded, turning to leave. He couldn’t help the embarrassment crawl up his cheeks at the sight of Tony’s wife. He knew that whatever he was feeling was secondary to what Tony was going through and it _was _to him. But again, his brain was betraying him by fixating on the fact.

“Steve?” Pepper called, softly. Her voice was rough with exhaustion.

Steve looked over his shoulder, pausing at the door. He regarded her face for the first time since they had hauled Tony into the Quinjet. The pain and the worry that she was going through was written clearly on her face and Steve couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Since the beginning, she had expressed her distaste for Tony’s participation in the Avengers but somehow, she had accepted it as a part of who Tony was. She loved him enough. Steve knew how that felt. Her beautiful eyes were rimmed red and there were blotches of colour on her pale cheeks. She reached up to clear a tear from her cheek, laughing embarrassedly.

“Stay,” she murmured quietly, gesturing at the chair on the other side of Tony’s bed.

“I, uh… Um. I… Don’t… You-“

“Relax, Captain. He’d want you there when he wakes up.” She wasn’t looking at him when she said that. Her eyes were trained on Tony’s face, full of love and adoration.

“You-I…” He sighed at her sharp – but not unkind – look. “Wouldn’t you want to be alone with him?”

“This is about what he wants.”

“Mom?” Morgan stood at the entrance of the lab with Rhodey holding her hand and Happy behind her. Peter’s head was poking from the side.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Pepper called, fresh tears running down her face and her voice cracking with relief.

Morgan ran over to climb into Pepper’s lap. “Daddy?”

“He’s sleeping, my love.” She pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, swiping her hair away from her face.

Morgan turned around in her mother’s lap to peer over at her father. “Dad,” she called softly. “Wake up, dad. Dum-E created a mess of your lab.”

“Did you ask FRIDAY to take care of it?” Pepper prompted.

“I did, Mom. FRIDAY says that she’ll take care of it if we take care of Dad.”

Pepper laughed wetly, wiping her face again.

“Can I lie beside him, Mom?”

“If you’re very careful.”

“I will be, Mom. I promise.”

Pepper helped her into the bed where Morgan curled up against Tony’s whole arm, her hands wrapping around his bicep. She pressed a kiss to Tony’s cheek.

“I love you 3000.”

Pepper kissed her cheek and then Tony’s before settling down again. The rest of the group that had come inside with Morgan settled around Tony’s bed. Rhodey perched at the end of Tony’s bed on Pepper’s side and Happy stood at the end, looking around at everyone. Peter posted himself beside Steve, practically hiding behind him lest anyone tried to take him away. They fell quiet. The machines beeped and made sounds; it was peaceful.

Night found Pepper and Morgan in a bed in the corner of the lab, asleep. Rhodey was dozing off in Pepper’s abandoned chair. Happy had gone out to deal with some things that Steve hadn’t bothered to pay attention to. Peter was asleep in Steve’s lap. Steve couldn’t sleep. Someone had to keep an eye on Tony. What if he woke up and needed something? They still didn’t know the extent of his injuries and the consequences. What if he couldn’t speak? They already knew that he wouldn’t be able to see from his right eye.

Steve carefully reached across the space to rest a hand against Tony’s side. He squeezed Tony’s hip wishing he could have held Tony’s hand instead. He hoped nobody could see him. He didn’t want to deal with any more embarrassment especially when his love was clear on his face. He was too tired to hide it. So, he’d rather look non-threatening.

Peter shifted fitfully in Steve’s lap. He took his hand away from Tony’s side and rubbed through Peter’s hair. He instantly calmed down, pressing closer to Steve. He smiled unbidden, watching Peter sleep. He looked freakishly similar to the way Tony slept when he wasn’t under the influence of morphine; restless and always moving but settling as soon as comfort was provided. He couldn’t help but love the young Avenger.

~*~

When Steve woke up in the new age, everything had changed. His friends were dead or old enough for him to be a faded memory. The world saw him as Captain America: the comic book character and, well, SHIELD was good at hiding his existence. And he was glad that he didn’t have to deal with it at all. Before New York, he didn’t have to worry about people in general.

It wasn’t just the people he had left behind but it was also the life he had left behind. The simple things. The things that he had no idea he would ever miss. Even when he had woken up and realised precisely how much he had to change; he hadn’t accounted for the little things. He loved planning. That’s what he was known for, wasn’t he? Combat planning. But he had failed to plan his life when he woke up.

He had talked to his therapist about it once. How his razor ran smoothly against his face and he didn’t nick his face that often anymore. How he could taste the food that he ate even if he could hear the people in the SHIELD mess complain about it. How the curtains and the sheets and the towels were a softer fabric and how his clothes didn’t itch anymore. How the weather felt different than before. How he could breathe and not breathe all at once; for once it wasn’t about his panic attacks at all.

Things were better. He would see children clutching phones and tablets in their tiny plump fingers. He had been told that this was a new era. This hadn’t been the norm even ten years, or five years ago. SHIELD had provided him with a phone. They handed over a manual with basic functionalities defined. He caught on fast, but it felt odd and unnatural. He forgot it often, even in the damndest places. Before the world realised who he was, he would get strange glances if he forgot the phone in cafes or restaurants as though he had forgotten his limb behind; as if he had betrayed a code he didn’t understand.

And there was so much he didn’t understand about this world.

One of the other things he had no clue he was going to miss was letters. He had not even thought to mention it to his therapist before he started going on missions. While he had been in the army, everyone received letters from back home and most of the times there was news of babies and engagements and love shared held between those pieces of paper. Steve had yearned for those, but he had his family with him wherever he travelled. So, they would sit around the fire and share stories or share the letters that some of them received; especially Dum Dum and Dernier.

After Bucky, Steve felt as though they should have written more letters even if they didn’t mean anything. Even if they had been mundane. There had been a few from when Bucky was training, and Steve was in Art School, but he didn’t get the chance to collect them before he was crashing the Valkyrie into the Ocean.

So, there was no physical evidence of the love he left behind. There were no pressed roses between papers and no carefully written words. Now, there were texts and emails; all written in haste. There was no poetry or attention in something that could be corrected. Of course, the poetry was now more deliberate. He appreciated that; he appreciated that it was now an art form rather than the norm. But he missed it. He missed the time it would take for a letter to reach its intended. He hated the expectation of always being present because he could never remember his goddamn phone.

He hated the pressure that it created.

It wasn’t until Tony started sending him messages that he realised how to like them. Tony’s messages were definitely written quickly but there was a certain appeal. They sounded like he talked: quick-witted and verbose. He never forgot his phone after that.

Since he ran his shield through Tony’s arc reactor, he missed something new. He missed Tony’s messages and as Bucky liked to remind him often, he missed Tony. Sitting at Tony’s bedside as he slept, he realised that he missed Tony deeply. He had been a bad friend. He didn’t understand how he had done that especially after he had lost most of his friends – 50% of them after The Snap and he had stopped talking to another 25% of them. He had to do better and watching the colour come back to Tony’s cheeks, he realised that he had another chance.

His phone buzzed and he startled. Nobody messaged him except for the man who had currently been asleep for two days. Steve had barely slept a wink and hadn’t left Tony’s bedside no matter how much his friends tried to convince him otherwise.

_FRIDAY: 1.46 PM: Captain, you have 17 voicemails. Send me an affirmation to listen to them._

Steve stared.

_Steve: 1:48 PM: What kind of messages?_

_FRIDAY: 1.48 PM: Vision suggested that JARVIS would like for you to hear them – right before he died. They date back to 2012 up till three days before. _

Steve got up, cracking his back and walked towards one of the empty rooms that was missing half of the glass against one side. A cold draft made him shiver as he settled against the platform on one side of the room. He stared at the picturesque landscape for a long minute before sending an affirmation to FRIDAY.

~*~

_Jarvis._ The voice sounded like it was still getting used to saying that word.

It was Tony’s voice. Tony was on his phone. Steve clutched the phone between his fingers. It would have cracked if it hadn’t been for the superhuman safeguard that Tony had designed for their phones. He realised that these were probably personal messages that Vision wanted him to hear. He wasn’t sure why and he realised that he would never be able to ask.

Only one way to find out. He unpaused the video.

_I can’t believe I named you Jarvis. I miss the old Jarvis. I miss when he used to tell me stories. Oh, and Aunt Peggy’s stories. _

Steve realised with a jerk that Tony sounded young; painfully young.

_Sharon used to always ask for stories about Captain America. I mean, quietly. Really quietly. I loved those stories even though I pretended to hate the same story over and over again. I guess Aunt Peggy was onto me. God, I really like Captain America. I wanted to be him. Thought my dad would finally like me, you know. _

There was a sound of things being moved around.

_Guess I was wrong. I hate him now. Howard, yeah. But Captain America. Nobody is that nice. Dad was wrong and I guess Aunt Peggy just liked him enough. Too much, maybe. Hmm, J, mark that down in the blueprint and never talk of this again to me. I can’t believe I’m telling you about someone who died decades ago. Five decades now. _

~*~

_What’s the date, Jarv?_

_Sir, today is the 26th of November, 1998. _

Tony made a humming noise. There was a loud cracking noise.

_Voila! _There was the sound of Tony’s laughter that made Steve’s heart jump to his throat. _This reminds me ­_– Tony grunted and there was a noise like something heavy being dragged across the floor – _that this one time Aunt Peggy was telling me how Captain America stole a plane. And that fondue joke. You can’t have read any comics about that. _A short laugh. _I miss her. I should call her. Put in a reminder, J, thanks._

~*~

_I can’t believe this, J. _

There was a spluttered laugh and a slosh of liquid in a glass coming through his phone.

_I can’t believe it. Dad kept the payments for that stupid mission going and they actually found him! A year ago, and no one thought that I should know, seeing as I’m the one still paying for those expensive expeditions! I didn’t want that… I mean, he was alive so, so, so it’s good that they never stopped. But I don’t want to deal with this. God… Imagine Howard. He’d replace me in the ice with his beloved. He’s probably a stuck-up asshole. _

A long pause. _God, I hope he is. I really do._

~*~

_He is! I called it. He’s an asshole, J. He thinks he knows who I am, but he doesn’t. He thinks that my dad was a great man! I mean sure, he was for the world. But he was a horrible father anyway. Didn’t stop him from that... Anyway, Steve Rogers is a stuck-up asshole._

~*~

_J… I might have changed my mind. He’s not all that bad. I don’t get along with him but he’s everything that dad said he is. He’s an upstanding citizen. I literally saw him help an old woman across the road. I saw him! With my own two eyes! It’s weird, okay? He’s so good, I feel pure around him. He’s like activated charcoal… I need to stop watching Home Shopping Channels with Clint at night. _

~*~

_Shit. Pepper convinced me to invite the Avengers to live here. I maybe should not have done that. Not very good for my mental sanctity. Steve Rogers is going to live here. God, I hope he doesn’t find the shrine in our mansion. Howard was crazy. But I mean Aunt Peggy’s gifts didn’t help. Jarvis, you can absolutely, under no circumstances, ever tell anyone that I slept with a Captain America plush till I was 12 and made out with a Captain America poster at 13._

~*~

_How okay is it to tell your girlfriend about your insomnia? _

_From the information I’m gathering from Google, sharing information about your wellbeing with your significant other is encouraged as long as you extend them the same compassion._

_Thanks, J. How’s the team?_

_Captain Rogers, Ms Romanoff, and Mr Barton are on official SHIELD business whereas Mr Banner is in New York. Mr Odinson – Thor – is out of surveillance limit. _

_Ah, he’s not on Earth then. I thought he’d be with Foster… Do they stay in New York sometimes?_

_Captain Rogers does. He sometimes enquires about you._

_Does he now? What does he ask?_

_About your wellbeing and where you are._

_Okay. _

_He did mention once that he misses you._

_Oh._

~*~

_Jarvis, my love._

_Sir. I’m glad you’re back._

The noise of a stool being dragged against the floor and the sound of glass clinking against something followed by a slosh of liquid. _Are you now?_

_You are the purpose of my existence._

_Even though, that’s true. You make me sound like an affliction. _

_I would never do that, Sir._

Tony snorted and there was a loud sound of a glass hitting the wood with a clunk. _I’ve had a rough time, J. So did Rogers._

_I heard, Sir. Do you need a summary of everything you left behind in Miami?_

_That would be great. New York is a good change of pace._

~*~

_Sir, Captain Rogers has moved in today. You asked me to let you know when he did. Ms Romanoff and Mr Wilson are here as well. Mr Wilson wants to thank you for his invitation. _

Tony hummed. It seemed like he was soldering something. A clang and a curse. _Light of my life?_

_Yes, Sir?_

_Thoughts on something autonomous to protect the Earth?_

_Control parameters?_

_The Avengers along with Pepper and Rhodey. Everyone’s consent. Maybe except Clint. Secondary security detail to Coulson. Then, maybe Professor Xavier. _

_I would suggest talking to your colleagues about this. A meeting would be in order._

_Fair enough. I’ll talk to Cap first._

_That’s good, Sir._

_I think I might have missed my teammates, Jarvis. Am I crazy?_

_My research doesn’t suggest that, Sir._

_You’re awful, you know that. You’re ungrateful. I created you. You should be grateful to me, J. In a sense, I’m your father – oh wait, I can understand the ungratefulness now. Good going. Like father, like son._

_Thank you, Sir._

~*~

_FRIDAY? _

_Yes, Sir?_

_This is going to take some getting used to._

_If it helps, I have downloaded all the protocols from the server. I also have the summaries from all your projects, especially the ones that you left behind. Would you like me to update you?_

There was a long pause. _Hit me with it. Might as well._

_Are you alright, Sir?_

There was another pause. _I… Jarvis never asked me that._

_Sir, I believe that my predecessor spent a lot of years with you to understand what you required. I have not had the same advantage. _

_Oh. I… Well, guess this won’t go anywhere. I miss Pepper. I never thought it could be like this. I gave up Iron Man and we decided to take a break anyway. Maybe it is me. And now I went and pulled a Ross. But what’s worse is that I actually love the man I slept with. You know what will be the worst thing that will happen?_

_What’s that, Sir?_

_That Pepper will forgive me anyway. _

~*~

_I wish… I wish Steve would just give me a chance. I wish he would just listen! _A frustrated groan. _I don’t want him ending up in trouble. I want this team together – no, need it. We have to be together. Why won’t _– another groan – _Why won’t he trust that I would never let anything happen to us. To our autonomy! And, God, Aunt Peggy… I… I don’t know what to do anymore._

~*~

_He ran his shield through my chest! He ran. His shield! Through! My chest! And his best friend killed my mother! _A glass slammed against the wood and the sloshing sound that followed carried on for longer than ever before. _Fuck this shit. I tried. I really did. I’m done. Besides, I have Rhodey and Pepper. I have enough. It has to be enough. _

~*~

_Pepper said yes. Even after everything. Even after Iron Man. Even after the nightmares. Even after my stupidity. Even after I admitted to loving Steve. Maybe she’s the weird one!_

~*~

_The wedding is done. _

_Congratulations, Sir._

_Steve was there._

_I’m aware, Sir._

_I wish we had more time. _A pause. _Uh, nothing. I’m happy with Pepper. I really am._

_My parameters list your happiness level at a good 8 out of 10. It’s better than your average of distress, Sir._

A snort. _Thank you, FRIDAY._

~*~

_I sometimes wish I could have Steve meet Morgan and Gerald. I miss him. It’s stupid. Delete this, FRIDAY._

~*~

_Steve came back. We had lunch. It was good, I think. I had missed him. It went well. FRIDAY, do you think it will work?_

_I will need a defined structure to test the results, Sir._

_Yeah. Uh huh. You’re right. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Let’s try a few things?_

_Ready when you are, Sir._

~*~

“Sir?”

It took Steve a moment to realise that FRIDAY was talking to him. “Yes, FRIDAY?”

“The next and the last message will only be a part of the larger message. Sir, made arrangements in case the plan didn’t end correctly for him.”

“What-“

“He is fine as of now. He is stable and getting better. I’m confident that Sir will make it through. But he meant the message to be for multiple people. I’ve already sent Mrs Potts and Ms Stark’s message to Mrs Potts’ phone. Should I play yours now?”

“Might as well.”

~*~

This one was different, and Steve jerked back when a real-life apparition of Tony appeared before him.

He smiled at Steve. “Hi, Steve,” he said, quietly. It seemed as though he was turning around from someone else.

Steve smiled back at him, unable to stop himself. “Hi,” he murmured, helplessly.

Tony’s apparition didn’t respond. “I love you. I guess you should hear this now. I’m dead, so, embarrassment is irrelevant. I have loved you for a long time, Steve Rogers.” He paused, eyes boring into Steve’s.

Steve’s breath caught at the words. He had never thought he’d hear these words from Tony.

“I guess there were a lot of things that I didn’t tell you over the years. Things that I should have. Things that I thought when I was thirteen and, thus, unimportant. Let’s never talk about that ever again. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that at all.” He ran a hand over his beard and let out a short laugh. “I’m glad you’re alive, Steve. I’m glad we met and I’m glad we were friends. I love you, Steve Rogers. See you in another life because you believe in that kind of thing.” He vanished with a wave.

Steve felt the phone fall from his hand, and he stood there with tears running down his face.

“Buddy?” Bucky murmured, putting a hand on his shoulder carefully.

Steve turned around and buried his face in Bucky’s shoulder, crying openly. Bucky didn’t question him, simply held him tight and stroked his hair.


	12. That Kid is Amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, Rhodey, Bucky, Shuri, and Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry. Executive Dysfunction got me bad.

Tony was in a coma for two weeks and three days. He awoke for ten minutes on an unassuming Tuesday morning at 4 AM. There was only Rhodey in the room who startled when he saw Tony blink and moan. He was at his side in seconds, helping Tony drink some water.

“Hey,” Tony rasped, catching Rhodey’s arm. He looked down when he couldn’t feel his right arm and seemed to realise, he couldn’t see from his right eye either. He fell quiet, eyes shut in agony.

Rhodey moved his arm to hold hands with Tony. “I give you three weeks to make yourself another arm and eye.”

Tony opened his eyes and smiled slightly. “Trouble… Speaking.”

“That’s a first,” Rhodey teased.

Tony rolled his eyes at him.

Rhodey grabbed his chin by his free hand and just looked him over. “You’re a goddamn hero. Don’t think I’ve ever told you that before. But you are. Always have been.”

“Advantage… Of my inability… Speak.” Tony coughed as Rhodey laughed softly.

“Something like that.”

Tony smiled, already fading to sleep.

Rhodey settled back down, this time with Tony’s hand clutched in both of his.

~*~

Bucky spent his time out of the Soul Stone avoiding Sam, looking after Steve and ignoring Peter. He made sure that Peter was aware of when he was being ignored. He loved making the kid uncomfortable even though he liked how polite he was. He was a lot like Steve had been before the serum; staunch, polite, kind and smart. Tiny, too. But he wasn’t crazy enough to tell him that. What if it got to his head? Sam shared his passion for making Peter’s life hell, though, he was better at it than Bucky was. It was odd what a shared interest could do to an unlikely companionship.

Out of everyone, Bucky hadn’t realised how much he missed one of his friends. When he had woken up to a new world – unlike Steve who came from the ice, Bucky had come from the fire (he still shivered at the thought of it, ironically) – he didn’t have a lot to hold onto. He had found purpose in hiding himself in plain sight, even from his best friend. Or who he thought was his best friend. He had the memories, but the emotions were lacking. He couldn’t feel what he had felt for Steve in the forties. He was not the same man. Steve’s life had paused in the ice, but Bucky’s had gone on in the fire.

He wanted desperately to be able to explain that to Steve, but he also wanted to protect him. Who had once been his only confidant and a force he would trust with his life had become someone he couldn’t face. He knew that there was a part of him that would always beat for Steve, however, it was buried deep within him now. He couldn’t access or understand it. Initially, hiding in hotels and abandoned buildings, Bucky had hated him. He had hated what Steve expected him to be. He knew that when Steve looked at him, he had wanted his friend back instantly. The man he remembered from the pictures had been impatient like that. It felt like too much pressure.

So, running felt like absolution. It felt like the time he needed.

Coming back into the world with allegations on his head like a sword, he wanted to give up. He wanted to hold Steve by his shoulders and ask him to be left alone. He didn’t shout or scream anymore. He knew how debilitating the quiet could be. He wanted peace. If that meant answering for his crimes, well, Bucky would do that. But Steve was stubborn. It was Steve against the world and Bucky was dragged in without his consent. He knew he should be thankful. He knew that but emotions were hard on good days. Besides, he saw what the strain did to Steve and had hated him again and even more.

Maybe he should have hated himself.

So, what better than to accept the cold again and lay down. He had remembered something from his past life when Steve and he had selected Saturdays to laze around their apartment, especially during the summers when the heat had them down. Bucky would always say that he could sleep forever. So, he listened to a past version of himself and decided to sleep. It would be safer that way. And if Steve made stupid decisions while he was away, that was on Steve alone. Bucky didn’t want to be the reason or even the voice of reason.

The first person that Bucky met when he woke up from the cryo, for what he hoped to a non-existent God was the last time, was Shuri. He had blinked himself into existence. Waking up under Hydra had been disorienting but he always woke up with a purpose. With Shuri, it had been disarming yet soothing. He woke up warm and sated. He woke up to someone who had given him a blanket and explained the situation. He had woken up to kindness.

The Winter Soldier wasn’t used to kindness.

With Steve away and loneliness the only other option, he had started spending time in the lab. The Wakandans looked at him like an entity. It made sense objectively, but he didn’t like being stared at. His skin crawled at the thought, so he hid out in her lab. He loved watching her work because she was verbal about it. She would sometimes spend hours explaining concepts to him with videos and other times she would force him to watch memes with her so that she could toss them into conversations later and see if he understood. He tried to keep up, but she was whip-smart. She never made him feel any less though.

“You know you are like T’Challa to me, don’t you?” She had asked once.

He had stared at her for what felt like hours before taking a seat and just pondering over her words. She hadn’t said anything else instead choosing to smile, kissing the crown of his head before walking off to continue her work.

After the Soul Stone and Tony almost dying, he hadn’t seen her in days. She had been busy with repairs in Wakanda, healing Tony, and spending time with her family. But Griot had finally informed him that she was alone in her lab with a sleeping Tony. They had been able to convince the sentries to take a break from their vigil.

So, he found himself standing at the threshold, hands buried deep inside his pockets. Shuri turned around to face him, eyes glinting already.

“Hello, emo white boy!” she called out. “Griot told me you were looking for me. Did you need an update on your arm, old man?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but it had broken the ice. He smiled at her, his nose scrunching affectionately. “I just wanted to see you,” he responded, sincerely.

She hummed softly and hugged him, dislodging his hands from his pockets. He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her too, clinging on protectively.

“I missed being here with you, White Wolf.”

She was the only one who could get away with that nickname.

“I missed you too, Wizkid.”

~*~

The next time Tony woke up, it was for a few hours. The usual suspects crowded around Tony’s bed squeezed together and watching him like he was an exhibit at the zoo and holding out water and soft snacks.

“Stop staring at me like I’m an exhibit at the zoo. Except for you Morguna. You’re perfect and you can do no wrong,” he croaked with some difficulty. Tony smiled down at his daughter who was curled under his arm with her chin propped on Tony’s chest. His voice was still scratchy, but he sounded like he had more energy this time around.

Morgan grinned and kissed Tony’s cheek.

“You’re biased,” Happy called out. “She’s a little monster.”

Morgan turned her bright smile at Happy whose expression softened with adoration.

Tony looked around at everyone. “You all are still staring.”

The tension broke and everyone looked away except for Pepper who leaned in to take Tony’s hand that was over Morgan’s side. Tony squeezed her hand and kissed Pepper over Morgan’s head.

“Mr Stark?”

“Yes, Peter?” Tony asked without looking away from Pepper.

“Sir – T-Tony, thanks for-for saving the world,” he said, shrinking behind Steve. “Again,” he added unable to stop himself.

Tony finally turned to face him. “Thank you, Peter,” he replied sincerely.

Steve turned a smile towards Peter who smiled back awkwardly.

“Now, get out and let me have some time with my wife. You too, Honey Bear.”

Rhodey rolled his eyes and gathered Morgan up in his arms, miming flying her out of the room. “Let’s get food!”

“Yes!” Morgan cried out, giggling and holding her arms out mid-flight.

Happy followed them out. They could hear the three bantering as they left. Steve got up, patting his thighs. He shared a smile with Tony before walking away with Peter who waved at the couple awkwardly.

~*~

The next day found Tony awoken by a snuffling sound beside him. He groaned softly. The previous day settled viscously in his memories. The few hours he had managed awake was spent entirely in Pepper’s company; quiet and grateful. The two of them had barely shared any words, instead, they had opted to hold hands lost in thought. Tony didn’t know when he had slept off. By how empty his side felt, he could tell that Pepper had left.

He cracked open an eye and saw Peter fidgeting. He stilled when he saw that Tony was awake, looking guilty.

“Mr Stark,” he murmured, his voice cracking. Clearing his throat, he got up to fetch Tony some water and a straw. “Good morning.”

Tony drank some water, pushing him away when he was done. “What time is it?”

“It’s 8 AM,” Peter replied, checking his phone.

“What are you doing here, kid?”

“I just…” He quieted, sitting down. Wringing his hands together, he hung his head to stare at the ground.

Tony watched him, amusedly. “Come on the side where I have a hand.”

Peter looked up and nodded jerkily. He moved around the bed and took Tony’s outstretched hand. Tony squeezed his hand, holding on tightly.

“Spit it out, kid.”

Peter blinked slowly. “I met Aunt May. After-after you were… After Shuri… Anyway, they flew me back to Queens and Aunt May was there. And Ned. And I met them all. MJ, too. I…”

“Come on, Pete. You speak a mile a minute.”

“I realised something. I had my… Aunt there. My friends but you weren’t there. Then-then Steve called to let me know that you were okay. And I couldn’t just-“ His throat clicked and he reached out with his free hand to wipe his tears. “I wanted you to know that you’re the closest thing to a father that I have. And losing you… I could not have lost you, S-Sir. I’m glad you’re alive.”

Tony had a small smile playing on his face. “Five years was hard without you, Pete. I’m glad you’re alive too.”

Peter laughed softly, tears falling down his face. He shuddered a little and Tony tugged him into a hug by his hand.

“Five years of laziness doesn’t mean you’re not my intern any more-“

“I was never your-“

“Your first order of work is to fetch me a cheeseburger. I’m hungry. And help me get rid of this IV tube. I’m done.”

Peter started to say something and then stopped. “I’ll sneak something in, Mr Stark,” he replied instead. His eyes shone with mischief.

Tony grinned.


	13. Lone Traveller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, and Tony + Steve goes back.

_Futurist, gentlemen! The Futurist is here! He sees all. He knows what’s best for you whether you like it or not… You gotta watch your back with this guy. There’s a chance he’s gonna break it._

Tony looked up when he saw someone moving at the door.

“Morguna?” he called softly; a smile evident in his voice.

A young boy poked his head around the door and smiled brightly at him. “Hi,” he said, running in and jumping up on the bed.

Tony groaned when the kid’s knee hit his hip. “Oh, Edward Scissorhands. Careful with that. I’m delicate. Pepper, you need to put bubble wrap around me.” He caught the kid around the waist, holding him to his side.

The kid kept squirming as he giggled.

Pepper looked over amused. “Who is this?” She asked, ruffling the boy’s hair.

The boy preened under the attention. “My name is Nathaniel.”

“Oh, Barton’s brood.” Tony recognised him. He caught Nathaniel by the chin and lifted his face to consider him. “The same eyes, Pep. Look at that. And that nose. Oh no. Be careful. I’ve heard the Barton’s have laser eyes. Your daddy does.”

“No, he doesn’t,” he giggled, hiding his face in Tony’s shoulder.

Tony laughed, stroking his back. “He does. He’s kept it a secret.”

“What are you filling my kid up with, Stark?”

“Just the truth.” Tony smiled as Nathaniel jumped up and joined his father.

“Oh!” Clint said as Nathan crashed against his legs. He swung him up in his arms. “Hey there. Where did you run off to?”

“To the Hero.”

“I’m sorry, what now?” Tony asked, amused.

“Where did you hear that, little guy?” Clint asked, a little abashed.

“You were talking to mom last night.”

“Okay, guess it’s time for Nathan and me to find Morgan,” Pepper announced, smoothing her skirt down and walking over to claim Nathaniel. “Let’s go, little guy.”

“Yay!”

“Yay,” Pepper echoed with a grin.

Tony eyed Clint. “What’s up, Birdbrain?”

Clint sighed and ran a hand through his hair, taking Pepper’s abandoned seat. “We have some things to discuss.”

“I don’t wanna do this when I can’t run from the room. Come on! You know I’m allergic to emotions. Give me five to ten business days! Or you know, an eternity. So, never.”

Clint chuckled, putting his feet up on the bed that Tony instantly pushed off. “You know, I don’t like this either.”

“Then, great! We don’t have to do this.”

“I just… I was wrong, Tony. You had all our backs. You were a hero. You _are _a hero. Thank you.”

Tony pouted. “You never listen to me.”

“Never, Stark.” He got up to fetch the newspaper. “I’ll read you the paper now.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t.”

Clint started speaking over him. “So, Florida Man managed to burn the house he lived in six years ago already and then flooded it-“

“I hate you,” Tony whined, throwing his head back dramatically against the pillow.

~*~

Steve looked down at the sleek box. He was in New York in 2012. Again. He sighed as he looked up at the intimidating building that was the Stark Towers. It was the Time Stone first. He climbed up the stairs of what he believed was the New York Sanctum. Politely knocking against the bannister, he met the eyes of the woman standing at the top, looking away from him.

“You’re back,” she said, swiftly.

Steve looked down and found one of the places in the box empty. The bluestone glinted against her chest in the locket that she wore. She smiled kindly at him.

“There will be things that you think you’re not ready for coming ahead but time has lined up in the right way for you. It is all coming together, Steve.”

Steve frowned but before he could say anything, she tossed a portal at him. He gasped as he landed some miles away from the Sanctum. He wondered briefly that if such powerful magicians had been right beside the Tower that day, why hadn’t they chosen to help? Shaking the thought away, he entered the Tower right as the others were about to leave. They were distracted by chatter however, so, Steve was able to slip in swiftly to return the stone.

He breathed a sigh of relief. Two stones down.

Pressing down on the device, he closed his eyes as he landed in 1970. He looked around at the familiar sight and almost ran across the compound. He caught sight of the Tony and a version of himself from before as they vanished. He quickened his pace, hiding his face under his cap as a bunch of officers passed him by to catch another apparition of him. It took him a few minutes, but he got the stone back in place.

Three stones. And then there were three more.

Asgard was gorgeous. He hadn’t thought that he would ever get a chance to be here. He almost slipped off the Rainbow Bridge. Eyeing the man at the door, he offered a smile. Heimdall smiled back, offering his hand to him to help him stabilise. He was going to get whiplash from moving around the universe to deliver the stones back.

“I need to deposit this back,” he told Heimdall, pointing at the dark stone that seemed to pulse within the box.

“I know why you’re here.”

Steve cocked his head to a side considering the smiling man. While Steve had always appreciated the aesthetics of a beautiful human being, Heimdall was objectively one of the most attractive people he had ever seen. Blaming it on the jetlag, he tried to concentrate on the mission. Heimdall’s smile turned more amused as if he knew what Steve was thinking about. He probably did.

A blush tinted Steve’s pale skin and he rubbed a hand on his neck. “Let’s ignore that, shall we?”

“We don’t have to,” Heimdall suggested.

Steve cleared his throat. “Maybe another day. I have someone to get back to.”

Heimdall chuckled softly. “Pay my regards to Mr Stark.”

Steve reddened further and thrust out the box at Heimdall. “Help me?”

“Of course.” He levitated the stone away and it whizzed past Steve.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, Captain.”

And he was on his way again.

This time he landed on an unknown planet. The nanobots reassembled around his head into a helmet just in time. A pang ran through his heart at the memory of how excited Tony had been when he had figured it out. He caught sight of a man dancing in the distance. Rolling his eyes, he made his way over to the Orb. While Quill was still busy dancing and kicking his way to the Orb, Steve made his way to the last place. He was not looking forward to it.

Whatever he had imagined that Vormir would hold for him, it was much, much worse when he finally reached there. Jaw clenched, he stared at the man he never thought he’d ever see again. If he still counted as a man, that is.

“Steve Rogers, son of Jos- Oh, who am I kidding. We don’t need the ominous introductions.”

“I guess not,” Steve responded sharply.

“Are you still angry about everything that happened? Come on, it was so long ago,” Schmidt said with a sigh. “I haven’t made a joke in decades.”

“You still haven’t.”

“Great comeback,” he responded, rolling his eyes.

“Just take me to the place.”

“Follow me.”

Steve followed dubiously. He craved for his shield, looking at his first archnemesis. “Can you attack me here?”

“Of course, but I don’t care.”

“I thought you were all about world domination?”

“I was when I thought that there was only one world.”

“Is this what you wanted?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Rogers.”

“So, no?”

“Not at all.”

Steve stopped at the edge of the cliff; the crimson colours were starting to give him a headache. The nothingness at the bottom of the cliff stared back at him intimidatingly. Steve sighed softly and looked over his shoulder at Schmidt.

“Schmidt-“

“Nobody has called me that in years.” He almost looked nostalgic.

“Schmidt.” He was trying to be patient. “Could I replace a soul for the stone?”

“Nobody has ever returned the stone,” Schmidt replied. “But I don’t think that there is any chance for a barter.”

“How do I return the stone?”

“Drop it into the void.”

“Okay.” Steve held the stone out. A soft breeze curled around him. He screwed his eyes shut, focusing on the image of Natasha. He let the stone go.

Steve gasped when he awoke, and he was in a stream. Natasha stood before him, looking exactly the same as she had left. Her braid curved around her face. The water rippled around her thighs. He took one step forward and then he was sloshing his way forward and into her arms. She wrapped her arms around him, holding on.

“Steve.” Her voice sounded like it was echoing around the area. “I’ve missed you.”

“Come back, Nat. We need you. We won.”

She held stronger and laughed softly. “We won,” she echoed, reverently. “That’s good news.”

“Come back,” he said desperately.

She shook her head, pulling away. “I can’t. This is binding.” She stroked his cheek, resting her hand there. “I love you, Steve. Take care of the boys for me?”

“Nat, please.” Tears ran down his face.

She reached up to kiss his temple. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

Steve tried to catch her, but she was already fading away.

~*~

“You know you don’t have to stay on my account.”

Steve glared up at Schmidt, turning the device with the two Pym particles in his hand. He had a chance here. He had the chance to go back in the past to wherever he wanted. He sighed, thoughtfully. When he looked up at Schmidt, the answer was easy.

“Goodbye, Johann.”

“Ah, first name basis. Bye, bye.”


	14. The Heights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found a copy I had sent to PB but I don’t know if this is the absolute last one. My iCloud didn’t save the file because it ran out of space. So I’ll keep posting from this file till I can get my laptop back.

Tony was awake for more hours than asleep out of pure willpower. He knew he needed the rest – more that he couldn’t move as easily as he had expected not for the lack of trying. He had even roped Nebula and Peter in to help but they hadn’t been able to help him further than a few steps from the bed even with their superhuman strength. Well, it was more Peter’s morality and Nebula’s practicality that got in the way. Nobody else would listen to Tony.

So, he was grumpy, but he was awake. And that just made him grumpier.

“Sweetheart, you’re frustrated. So, I’m going to take Morgan and we’re going to have a good long dinner and a full night’s sleep. I expect the same from you, okay? I’ll come by when Morgan is asleep. Will you be okay, love?”

Tony melted and smiled at her. He tugged her close and kissed her. “You should get a massage while you’re at it. Morgan and you should sleep in a bed.”

Pepper smiled at him adoringly. “I’ll be back,” she promised. “Spend time with Peter, Rhodey, and Steve, okay? Peter misses you.” She stroked his cheek gently, tracing his scars.

Tony nodded at her and kissed her again extending it.

She pulled away with a laugh and carded her fingers through his hair. “I love you, Tony.”

“I love you too. So much.”

“I know.”

“Did I do the right thing, Pep?”

Pepper remembered the first time that she had caught Tony in that ridiculous position in his workshop back in Malibu trying to get out of his armour. She could make a chronological list of all the improvements his armour had gone through. The improvements lay within months, day and sometimes even hours of each other. Something went wrong and Tony would fix it. That’s what he did. He fixed things. After their house got blown up in Malibu and they were on a break – of course, she had asked for time and she would never apologise for it no matter what that terrible journalist from New York Times thought, Tony had started a project. He had not allowed her to see it. Honestly, Pepper thought that it had been under the wraps a lot longer than the first time she had caught whiff of it.

Pepper paused realising that Tony cared about her opinion over the fact that he had close to single-handedly saved the world. “Tony,” she started, kissing his forehead. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t said it yet. Between everything… I should have said something. We won, Tony. And that’s because of you. You did more than the right thing. You sacrificed yourself. I’m glad you’re still here.”

Tony blinked away the tears. “Thank you.”

Pepper chuckled. “Rest. I’ll send someone in.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. Just let me clear out the twigs out of my eyes.”

She ruffled his hair and stepped outside the lab. She stopped when she saw Steve sitting outside. He was wrangling his hands, nervously and looked like hell. His hair was dishevelled like he had been tugging at it and his face was drawn, pale and eyes frazzled.

“Steve? Are you alright?” She asked, sitting beside him on the bench.

“I… Uh, yes, of course.” He nodded, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re shivering. Are you ill?” She touched the back of her hand to his forehead.

“Maybe. That must be it.”

“You’re not warm. You’re cold. Steve, what’s wrong?”

“I, just. I’m… Oh… I…”

“Steve,” she whispered, soft and concerned. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging his head to her shoulder. “Talk to me.”

“I messed up and-and we lost him. We almost lost him. I haven’t seen him in-in, uh, few hours. And I saw Natasha and I couldn’t save her. I really wanted to see Tony but, uh, I didn’t want to interrupt. Besides, I didn’t even know whether Tony wants to see me or not.”

“Steve, just go in. It’s okay. I understand. I really do. Come on, get up. Go in. Talk to him. He’s frustrated and being a pain. It won’t take you more than ten minutes to realise that he’s annoying and hard to stay around for more than small doses.”

He huffed a laugh.

“Come on. I need to go get Morgan dinner. You can stay with him as long as you want, Steve. He wants you there.”

Steve nodded, getting up. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Captain.” She kissed his cheek and walked away.

Steve hesitated for a second before he couldn’t stop himself anymore and went inside the lab. Tony blinked up at him and then smiled softly.

“Steve,” he murmured.

And the singular word spoken with relief and _love_ was enough to relieve all of Steve’s tension. He found himself walking closer to Tony’s bed, one hand outstretched. Tony caught his hand in his and smiled at him.

“I’m bored,” Tony whined as Steve took a seat. “Help me.”

Steve laughed and squeezed his hand, not ready to let go. He paused. “I saw Natasha.”

Tony physically jerked. “What? Where? How?” He winced belatedly when his wounds stung at the sudden movement.

“Vormir.” With one hand, he fluffed the pillows behind Tony, helping him into a more comfortable position.

“You returned the stones.”

“I did.”

Tony tugged at his hand. “Speak up, Rogers.”

“I asked the Soul Stone to let me talk to Nat. I got to see her. And hold her… I… She said that if she chose to come back, it would all be undone. She refused to come back. I begged her to… I begged her to come back.”

“You did everything you could. I’m sorry, Steve.”

“I should have-“

“Nope. Nah. Stop it. Stop thinking. You tried and you know she made the decision that we all would have. I’m just glad one of us got to see her and tell her that we won.”

Steve sighed and hung his head. Tony tugged him by the hand again and Steve shifted to rest his forehead against Tony’s shoulder.

“You’ve gotten good at this.”

“Having a kid helps.”

“She’s lucky to have a father like you.”

“True.”

Steve snorted. He looked up at Tony and ran his free hand through Tony’s hair affectionately. The bandages still covered most of Tony’s head but they were fresh and clean now. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Tony. Thanks for not dying on all of us.”

Tony smiled at him. “I live to please.”

“That does seem to be the overarching theme of your life.”

Tony laughed. He fell quiet, seemingly deep in thought.

“What’s going in that head of yours?” 

“I want to retire from the Avengers. Or, whatever the boy band is called now.”

“I was thinking the Justice League.”

Tony laughed. “Wherever did you come up with that from?”

“Not sure.” The side of Steve’s mouth ticked up. “I wouldn’t expect you to stay on, Tony. I wanted to talk to you about this. I think it’s the right decision.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Did you talk to Pepper about this?”

“Yes. And Rhodey and Happy. And Morgan. Nathaniel found out by accident, but he agreed too, so, it’s all good.”

“I think… I think it’s time I step down as well.”

“But there can’t be no Captain America.”

“Doesn’t have to be me.”

“Barnes?”

“Sam.”

Tony considered him. “He sounds like a worthy successor. Are you sure you’ll be able to give this up?”

“I’m a little worried but I’m sure. I have other things to focus on.”

“Are you going to be Farmer Rogers now? Or will you have your own art show where you will continue to inspire generations?”

Steve ducked his head, laughing. “I think I want to paint again.” He shrugged. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Figured out where you’re going to stay?”

“I have a very rich friend who lets me bunk with him.”

Tony bit his lip, amused. “I wonder who that is. Any name.”

Steve gave him a look. “I don’t… You don’t have to say yes. I have a place in DC.”

“I’ve seen that. It has bullet holes and it’s smaller than your bathroom in the Tower. You’re not going back. You could take any place. New York, Miami, Milan, Paris, Quebec-“

“Can I stay with you at the cabin?”

Tony fell quiet. “Why?” He looked bemused.

Steve got up, letting Tony’s hand go. He got two glasses of water, taking his time to pour water into the cups. One was a ceramic mug that read _‘I math, therefore I am’_ and the other was a rendition of the Mjolnir in plastic.

“Vision and FRIDAY gave me access to some of the messages from you over the years.”

Tony was watching him quietly when he turned around. He nodded his head at the jug right beside his bed with a smirk.

Steve huffed softly, holding one of the mugs out.

“The other one.”

Steve rolled his eyes but handed over the Mjolnir mug to Tony.

Tony took a long sip. “I’m going to sell FRIDAY to a community college,” he announced loud enough for his phone to catch.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” FRIDAY responded, sounding bored.

“I will do it. Trust me.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Steve looked over, amused. “Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry Howard was too stupid to see how amazing you are and that I see that.”

Tony fell quiet, looking stumped. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times like a fish.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“Oh, shut up-“

“Oh, and I love you too.”

“FRIDAY! That was supposed to be heard in case I died! Oh, stop laughing, Rogers. This is not funny. You would not have laughed if I had died! There would be tears – manly tears. Blubbering tears!”

Steve caught his hand again, kissing his palm. “I really would have.”

“Shut it, Rogers!”

Steve smiled at him. He sobered quickly. “This is not a way to get in between your married life, though. I just… I haven’t been around enough for you, Tony. I want to change that. I could buy a property up there. I don’t have to live with you-“

“Steve, we have lived together before. It doesn’t matter. You can obviously stay with us. And neither Pepper nor I mind it. But don’t do this out of obligation.”

“It’s not that.” He smiled apologetically when Tony gave him a look. “It’s not just that,” he amended. “If I had a chance to do it again, I... I’m not sure what I would do, Tony, but I know that I would trust you. I made mistakes.”

“So did I.”

“And I don’t want to make them again.”

Tony tugged his hand out his grasp and cupped his cheek. “Don’t turn this into a Fatal Attraction thing though. I could live without the drama.”

“Oh please. You live for the drama.”

Tony snorted and tugged at his earlobe. “I do love you Steve.”

“I love you too, Tony. I want to do this better. Our friendship.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Steve, if there’s anyone in the world someone would trust with their spouse, it’s you.”

Steve grimaced at him amusedly. “Are you sure that Pepper will be okay with this?”

“Yes.”

“Morgan?”

“Why wouldn’t she be?”

“I’m a stranger.”

“She knows you, Steve.”

“She does?”

“Of course. She knows about the Avengers. She loves those stories. Bothers me every night for them.”

“I wish I had spent more time with her.”

“It’s okay. Ages zero to three are optional. They don’t remember much. You can spend time with her now.”

Steve smiled at the thought.

“So, we both retired. Sam is the new Cap. And you’re going to be living with us now.”

“That sums it up.”

“I’ll be taking over for FRIDAY now. Off to community college for her.”

“Okay, Sir,” FRIDAY responded again, impassively.

Steve threw his head back in a laugh as Tony seemed offended. He leaned in to brush a kiss against Tony’s brow.

“Woah, woah there. This is assault. You’re using affection as a weapon. I need Pepper. Or a shield. Still got the shield handy.”

“No, I sold it for a hot dog.”

Tony laughed inspite of himself and shoved at Steve’s shoulder half-heartedly. “Left any for me?”

“Oh, no. I gave it to Sam.”

“Partial behaviour.”

“He needs his strength for the coming times.”

“Maybe they can rest for now though.”

“I think so.”

“Do you think Pepper would be mad if I invited everyone to the cabin?”

“I think she would eviscerate you.”

“Fair enough.”

Steve took Tony’s hand in his, tracing every line on his palm.

“You went back to return the tesseract.”

Steve nodded without looking up.

“Did you meet Aunt Peggy?”

Steve didn’t need to know the name to know who he was talking about. He paused and looked up through his eyelashes. “The last time… I left the compass there. With her. And somehow, she knew I’d be back. She was waiting for me.”

Tony smiled, closing his fingers around Steve’s. “What did she say?”

“She told me about her husband, Daniel D’Souza. Her children and her niece.”

“Did you tell her about Sharon?” Tony laughed, eyes dancing with mischief.

Steve’s cheeks flared crimson. “I did not obviously.”

“I’m glad you got to meet her.”

“Me too.”


	15. Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony updates.

“You’re shitting me.”

“I’m definitely not shitting you.”

“This is crazy.”

“It is crazy. I thought it would be you if a situation ever came.”

Bucky regarded Sam and shook his head. “It had to be you. I have no doubt about that. But I can’t believe that the most bull-headed person I know has finally decided to take a break. A well-deserved one.”

“I think you should talk to him. Try to see if he’s really okay with this.”

“He wouldn’t have done this if he wasn’t. I’m sure of that.”

“Are you okay with this?”

Bucky smiled indulgently, looking at Sam as though he was a dumb toddler. He patted at Sam’s arm. “I really don’t want the shield if that’s what you’re asking me.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at him. “You won’t be Captain America.”

“Do you really think the government would want someone whom they wanted to put in prison – probably still want to do that – representing their country?”

“Who cares about them!” Sam replied, heatedly. “This is about you, Bucky.”

Bucky’s mouth twitched. He ducked his head to hide his smile. Leaning back against a tree, he looked around the place that had been his home since he started getting better. He rubbed his palms against his thighs and considered Sam.

“I don’t think I want that moniker, Sam.”

“Okay, okay. Good.”

“Do you want it?”

Sam fell quiet, taking his place beside Bucky and staring down at the shield in his arms. He ran a finger along the side. “I think so. Do you think I can do it?”

“It’s about you,” he echoed, knocking shoulders with Sam.

He huffed a laugh and leaned into Bucky. “I want to do this. I really do. It’s a huge responsibility though. Do you think I would be a problem?”

“Who cares,” he echoed. “It will create ripples for sure, but we’ll deal with them. Steve would definitely.”

He shrugged. “Do you think I can do it?”

“Without a doubt.”

Sam smiled at him. “You’re sweet for someone I hate so much.”

Bucky snorted. “Come on. Let’s go bother Shuri. I recently learnt the meaning of quantum computing. I need to define it wrong in front of her.”

“That’s your idea of a good time.”

“You haven’t heard her rant. Come on.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go but I’ll complain the entire way.”

“I expect nothing less from you.”

~*~

James Rhodey Rhodes was not used to being wrong. If he had even the smallest of inklings that he could be wrong, he knew what to change that he wouldn’t have to be wrong. However, it had been a long time ago that he had accepted Tony being anomaly to the rule. He dealt with absolutes and even though, Tony was also obsessed with being right – he dealt in probabilities. When they both had grown up sufficiently – mostly Tony had done the growing up, they had taken to spending one night per month together. Tony would bring the plan, which was mostly the latest club and the latest type of booze that Rhodey had to try and Rhodey would bring the feeling of impending doom and a sense of responsibility. It worked well. It was on one of these nights that Tony had confessed to him.

“You know,” he had slurred his words, leaning into Rhodey’s side. There was a woman with her head in his lap and a man at his feet; both asleep – Tony was an affectionate slut. “You always want to be right. Which is a good goal. I ‘preciate it. But!” He had twisted in his seat to lean his front into Rhodey’s shoulder. “89% of the time you’re wrong about me. Now, if that was Howard, he would probably kill me. Or find something worse.” He had waved his hand around casually at the worrying thought. “But you! You love me anyway, Rhodey. In fact, you always forgive me and admit that you’re wrong. I don’t know whether that’s the norm or you’re special. I mean, you’re special to me either way, Honeybear.” Tony had promptly fallen asleep with his head on Rhodey’s shoulder.

It was hard to think positive thoughts towards someone drooling on your shoulder but Rhodey managed. He hadn’t brought it up again, but it had stayed with him. And, at least, right now. He was glad about the 11% of the times that he was absolutely right when it came to Tony. He leaned against the blown door of Shuri’s lab watching Peter and Steve hold onto Tony’s prosthetic arm stable long enough for him to attach it to himself. Last week, Shuri had ordered Tony out of her lab and into a more comfortable room with an actual bed for Pepper, Morgan and him. She had finally started repairs on the lab starting with the glass walls.

Over the past three weeks, Tony had trained himself in human anatomy, prosthetics, neurological system, and the ocular system. He already had some understanding of prosthetics when he had created the exoskeleton for Rhodey after the events of the fight at the Leipzig airport. It all felt so far away now. Rhodey felt like a different man now and he was sure that so did Tony. It was both surprising and reassuring that Tony wanted to retire from the Avengers. He had given them enough, but Rhodey had never thought he would be able to willingly give his suits up. He had created a backup after he got the arc reactor removed and even after Thanos’s Snap, Tony had been ready. Rhodey was sure that he would still be prepared for anything to come, but he also knew that Tony would not seek trouble. All the years that Pepper had spent asking for the same and Tony was finally in that space. Rhodey would remember to ask Pepper about it later. Someone needed to take care of her.

Rhodey felt despair flood his system when he noticed the small shivers wracking Tony’s body. Three weeks wasn’t enough to recover from the power of six infinity stones. Tony was malnourished; it was worse than after the time on Titan. No matter how much he ate, his body was losing weight. It had expended too much energy. He was out of the woods but there were still miles to go before he would be fully recovered. Tony was restless by nature and it didn’t help. He shook if he sat up for too long. His entire right side had suffered damage. Even though he hadn’t lost his leg, he had lost some function in it. His joints were stiff often and the bedsores were a rotten cherry over the rotten cherry pie.

Steve kept a strong hold around Tony, though. He hadn’t let him out of his sight ever since Tony had started walking, always there to catch him before he fell. Rhodey still didn’t trust the man. Not fully – a part of him would always trust Captain America. But when it came to Tony, he would rather not give him the benefit of doubt. Talking to Tony hadn’t led to much in terms of getting to the bottom of their relationship but Rhodey didn’t think he could pry the men away from each other if he tried. Their destinies had always been bound together.

He smiled when Tony finally set down the screwdriver and looked up at him. He walked into the lab to stand across Tony and the table. Tony was looking for reassurance from him.

“You think this will work?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Tony smiled but it was uncertain. He started with moving his fingers first. A knuckle at a time and then he fisted his palm. He rotated his wrist next, followed by his elbow and finally he moved his shoulder. Crying out, he leaned heavily against Steve, rubbing at the skin near the connecting plate.

“I’ve screwed it on too tight,” he said in way of explanation.

Steve held him against his chest and Peter moved forwards to look over at the connection, a screwdriver held aloft in his hand. He carefully worked the plate over Tony’s shoulder and looked at him expectantly.

Tony nodded and moved his shoulder carefully. He sighed with relief. “Thanks, Pete,” he murmured to him, patting his cheek gently.

Peter preened under the attention. “Let’s get you to the hall for lunch. Otherwise, Pepper will kill us all.”

Tony laughed, getting up. It was a testament to how weak he was that he didn’t push Steve away as he took his place beside him, holding him up.

“When’s the eye surgery?” Rhodey asked, falling into step on the other side of Tony.

Tony held his other arm out for Rhodey to take, who took it immediately. “Tomorrow. Dr Imani and Shuri will perform it with help of Helen Cho,” he informed him. “I made the prototype yesterday.”

“Called it,” he responded with a grin.

Tony huffed an amused laugh and tugged him closer. “You sure did, Honeyboo.”

Wrinkling his nose, he gave Tony a look. “Honeybear is enough.”

“I’m testing some new ones out.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay, Babyboo.”

Rhodey just rolled his eyes in response. Steve looked at the two of them, amused.

“Has this been going on since MIT?”

“Oh yes. Called me ‘Honeybear’ the first time he met me.”

“It was ironical at first but now it’s a thing.” He looked over his shoulder, pausing in his walk. “Kid? Peter? Light of my life?”

Peter looked like a deer in the headlights at the moniker. He didn’t recover quickly enough but walked closer to Tony.

“Have you selected a college? Isn’t it time for applications?”

“I’m 16, Sir. I have a year before I start deciding.”

“You know, you could apply early,” Rhodey started.

Shaking his head, Tony added, “Enjoy school. There’s no rush. Hell, go on a Europe trip after school. Discover yourself or whatever. Or build a spaceship and Han Solo it out of Earth. Point is, there’s no hurry.”

The side of Peter’s mouth moved up. “I know. Thanks, Tony.”

“Yeah, love you, kid.”

“I love you too, Sir.”

Steve and Tony shared a look that Rhodey could not comprehend. Maybe he didn’t want to.

Things were looking good. Tony wasn’t running from emotions. Dare he say, Tony was embracing them. Rhodey couldn’t be prouder.

Pepper welcomed them inside one of the kitchens in the castle and Morgan jumped into Steve’s arms, perceptive enough to see how tired Tony looked. She leaned over Steve’s arms to stroke Tony’s cheeks.

“I love your arm, Daddy.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

Pepper smiled indulgently at him, giving him a kiss.

“Lunch,” she announced.

And, so, they had lunch.

~*~

Wakanda was beautiful. Tony could see that from the expansive view in the lab and he could see it now that he stood outside the meeting room in the maw of the roaring panther. There was a city underneath their feet that thrived even within the ruins. There was repair work going on and children running around laughing and playing. Tony clutched at Steve's arm, getting a little bit of vertigo; a common side effect of the medication he was taking to ease the pain and aid his recovery. Steve's hold strengthened around his waist. Rhodey stood sentry at his other side and Pepper was standing to a side, holding Morgan in her arms. She was babbling something at Pepper to which she was getting her response in laughs and nods. Tony suddenly yearned to hold his baby girl. 

"Pep," he called out. 

She caught his eye and smiled indulgently, already walking closer. Morgan twisted in her arms and reached out towards Tony with a grin. 

The red and gold of his metal arm glinted in the dying sun as Tony held out his arms to accept Morgan into them. He smiled as she curled up on his right side tucking herself within the metal arm, leaving his left hand to grab Steve's arm again. 

Morgan absently stroked the scars on Tony's face, head leaning against his shoulder and a small smile on her lips. "It looks like fire on your skin, Dad. It's pretty like your suit."

Tony felt choked up, eyes brimming with tears. Blinking them away, he turned a mock glare at Morgan. "Don't you call my suit pretty. It's badass, like your mom."

"Don't teach my daughter the word 'badass', Tony," Pepper intoned.

"Oh, so, when I'm teaching her bad words, she's your daughter but when she's solving a Millenium Problem, she's mine! The discrimination."

Pepper laughed but didn't respond. She reached in to kiss his cheek and he smiled warmly at her. He realised suddenly that she looked tired. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair seemed limp, shifting lazily in the breeze. She looked away, as though hearing his thoughts. He dropped his eyes from her face as well but his guilt felt palpable between them. There were many things that he needed to make up for but he was increasingly getting the feeling that he wasn't enough to do that. He knew that she was proud of him for saving the world and being alive. But that was the only thing that he was sure of and sometimes not even that.

Now that the initial gratitude of Tony being alive had worn off, there was a tension between Tony and Pepper that he felt strongly. He remembered that it was the day when he had finally taken a step off the bed. It felt like he was leaving the doubt of a life of paralysis behind and moving on to becoming someone he recognised. But that only meant that the tensions that had somehow stayed away when he lay prone made them evident now that he could look Pepper in the eyes. She loved him. And he loved her. But he had gone and done what she hated the most. He had managed to reach the critical mass of pain and somehow exploded through that barrier. If their love was a rope between them, guilt and pain hung heavy between them now. How long would it take for Pepper to start resenting him? How long would it be before she would decide he wasn’t worth the effort? This exercise may have taken a physical toll on him but a similar and maybe even heavier toll was evident in the way Pepper held her shoulders now. Tony had made her the Apollo of his life for too long. Was he holding her back? Where were they headed?

He couldn’t ask her and the questions weighed heavy on his mind. If Pepper herself didn’t put distance between them, Tony felt that his doubt would. Wouldn’t that be ironic. He wanted to save this relationship but he wasn’t sure that he was strong enough anymore.

Morgan fidgeted, catching his attention. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head. 

"I'm ready."

Tony felt more than saw Steve nod, helping him back inside with Rhodey and Pepper flanking his right and back. He bent gently to let Morgan down. One sticky hand found its way to his cheek and she pressed her forehead to his. 

"I love you," she told him seriously.

"I love you too, Morguna."

Her smile was blinding. 

Pepper replaced her next, kissing Tony gently and stroking his hair back from his face. "You don't have to do this," she reminded him.

"I know. I want to."

She nodded and kissed him again. "Of course."

Rhodey clapped his shoulder, giving him a one armed hug. "Dr Imani is one of the best we could have found," he intoned.

Pepper turned to smile at him, taking his offered arm. "Alright, Sergeant."

"You never believe me," Tony grumbled, a grin on his face.

Pepper rolled her eyes at him. "Don't make things harder for me."

Both Pepper and Tony winced. He knew that she had been going for a lighter tone but it had come out as an accusation. Pepper sighed but Tony shook his head at her, smiling. He could hear the worry lacing her voice. She didn't do well with distance between them even though she had been holding herself together so well. Tony had to make sure to take care of her once the surgery was through. He tipped forwards from Steve's hold and hugged her. She caught his weight easily, clinging slightly. 

Pulling away with a sniff, she tapped his cheek with one finger. "Now, go. Thank you, Steve."

Steve nodded. “Of course."

It had been a day since Tony had his new arm and he was adjusting well to it. It had felt a little odd but the weight of the prosthetic and the help from Shuri, Bruce and Helen Cho had been enough for the attachments to work seamlessly. If it had not been for the flashy colors, Tony could have forgotten it existed. But like everything else in his life, this was a symbol. Besides hot rod red and Icarus's gold were the best combination. And now all that was left to do was the optic nerve transplant. Over the last two weeks, Shuri and Wakandan Ophthalmologists had run scans on his eye to understand where the problem lay: the stones had burnt his optic nerve. The chances of modern medicine saving his eye had been placed between 0 and 4% but when had Tony ever cared about the chances that modern medicine had. Wakanda seemed like the place for him because the doctors tossed those chances as soon as they realised them and helped Tony arrive at the transplant for his eye. Now it lay in Shuri's newly renovated lab and he had the prolific Dr Imani awaiting him. 

Taking a deep breath, Tony let Steve guide him inside the lab. Tony paused at the door, eyeing the bed that he had occupied the past three weeks and the doctors milling around it now along with Shuri. Imani and Shuri were deep in conversation until Shuri caught his eye.

"Welcome," she called out.

Tony waved at her and with a confidence he didn't feel, walked inside the lab with Steve at his side. "Presenting broken white man for you to fix," he announced, plopping down heavily on to the bed. 

Steve backed away awkwardly. 

"Will you be staying, Captain?" Shuri asked, no judgment in her voice. 

Before Steve could answer, Tony replied, "If you don't mind." His eyes were on Steve and he couldn't tell whether Tony was asking him or Shuri.

"Of course, you'll just have to change into scrubs before the surgery." 

Steve held Tony's eyes and gently cupped his cheek. "I'll be here," he promised. Steve suddenly saw where Morgan got her smile from. It was impossible not to return it. 

Tony watched Steve leave, grabbing the scrubs from one of the attendants. He felt restless but Steve’s promise of being present eased some of the tension. He knew that if he had asked Pepper and Rhodey to stick around, they would have too but somehow, he didn’t want that. He had already put them through so much, especially Pepper. They deserved some distance from Tony’s vulnerability and fear. This was something that he had to deal with himself. But if he got to have Steve there, maybe it would be more doable. At Dr Imani’s request, he laid down breathing deeply.


	16. A Treat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opposing forces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can have another chapter, as a treat.

“Are we ever going to talk about it?”

Sam looked over his shoulder at Bucky cleaning his guns methodically. He had already done it two hours ago which meant that this was out of nervousness. He smiled slightly. “Whenever you want.”

“You were waiting for me to bring it up?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“But I thought you didn’t remember.”

Sam shrugged. “I didn’t want to freak you out.”

Bucky huffed but didn’t contradict him.

Sam stayed quiet.

Bucky groaned and pushed the guns away from himself. “You are an awful person.”

“Right back at you.”

Bucky glared at him, but Sam kept looking at him with a knowing smile on his face. Bucky finally cracked, leaning over to grasp the back of Sam’s neck roughly and pulling him into a kiss. Sam obliged kissing him back, pushing into the kiss. His arms went to wrap around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Whoa.”

The two pushed away from each other and looked at the door. Bucky looked miffed but Sam looked curious. Steve, however, was staring with his mouth open. He pointed from one to another and then tried to say something but frowned, falling quiet.

“What?” he said stupidly.

Sam snorted, hiding his face in Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky grinned at Steve and beckoned him inside. He took a place beside Sam, letting Steve take his chair. Steve walked in slowly staring at them.

“When we were in the Soul Stone, it wasn’t empty. We were there together. Whoever got wiped together ended up closer. Most of us were together. The ones on Titan found us. Anyway, Sam and I… We had a chance to talk.” Bucky shrugged. “We had a lot more in common than expected.”

“Huh.”

“Articulate,” Sam teased.

Steve chuckled. “This is weird. My two best friends. But I’m happy for you.”

Bucky and Sam shared a smile. 

“Doesn’t mean I stop hating you,” Sam warned.

Bucky snorted. “Wouldn’t count on it.”

~*~

“Can we go home, Daddy?”

Morgan was trying to climb Steve like a jungle gym, hanging by his arm and her feet pressed to his stomach. She started to carefully walk up his torso. Steve shifted his arm so she could move upwards. Almost at his clavicle, she swung off by his arm, letting out a war cry. Steve laughed and swung her into his arms, tickling her. She giggled, trying to squirm away.

Tony looked up from his tablet with a smile. They had congregated in Tony and Pepper’s room after breakfast, though, Pepper had chosen to take Nakia and Okoye up on her offer to tour Wakanda. It had been a week since the surgery, but he still felt dizzy if he stood up for too long. There was an adjustment period for the eye. Besides, he felt that Pepper needed some time away. She had done enough for him.

He got up the bed with some difficulty and walked over to Steve and Morgan. Steve stilled but didn’t move to help him. He held out an arm when Tony got closer to them, however and Tony took it gratefully, leaning against the solid weight of Steve. Morgan crawled into Tony’s arm, hugging his metal arm and sighing happily. Tony smiled down at her.

“Why don’t we wait for mom and ask her?”

“Tony, do you feel fine?” Steve asked softly.

Tony met his eyes over Morgan’s head and nodded. “I think I’m ready to go home.”

Steve eyed him carefully as though he could pull out the truth from the depths of his eyes and Tony supposed that he could because a smile curled his lips. His artificial eye blinked blue as if turning on and quickly faded back into Tony’s original chocolate brown eye colour.

“I’m alright, Steve.”

Steve instantly looked relaxed and nodded. “You should talk to Pepper.”

“Are you still coming?” Tony questioned. The words were rushed, and Tony was looking intensely at Steve. The roles were reversed.

Steve couldn’t help but knock their shoulders together. “If you’ll have me.”

“What do you think, Morguna? Is Steve invited back home?”

Morgan struggled to move back into Steve’s arms and put her small hands on his cheeks, considering him seriously. She pouted, thoughtfully. Steve grinned at her, resting their foreheads together till she grinned back. “He can come,” she announced.

Tony whooped, laughing and leaning in to kiss Morgan’s cheek.

“Did you talk to Pepper?” Steve murmured, letting Morgan tuck herself under his chin and resting his head on top of hers.

Tony took a moment to photograph the moment in his memory. He felt like he couldn’t focus for a second before his eyes caught the questioning look on Steve’s face. Shaking his head, he walked carefully to his bed and sat down heavily. He winced a little when his body ached dully. It took a moment to set his attention back on Steve.

“Not yet. We haven’t… Talked a lot.”

Steve’s eyes looked concerned. “I… Have noticed. I can’t lie. Anything wrong?”

“No… No. I just… Feel guilty.”

“Tony, you saved the world,” Steve pronounced as if that explained everything.

Steve made everything sound so simple with his conviction. It brought a smile to Tony’s face but he shook his head with a sigh. “I was needed somewhere else more.”

“But Pepper was there too.”

“Only because I was. Our allegiance is tied to something much more precious now, Steve. I put that at risk. I put myself at risk. You don’t come back from that.” Tony’s heart clenched. Speaking those words cemented what he had been feeling for days but hadn’t defined it with words. He wished he hadn’t said that. He wished he had stopped when he had time. He should never have said it. It was real now. Pepper was leaving. She’d take Morgan, of course she would. She should. Tony couldn’t keep anyone safe. Not even himself. He should-

“Tony,” Steve murmured, taking a hold of Tony’s hands and pulling them away from his face. He was kneeling in front of Tony with worry evident on his face. When had he gotten there?

Tony let Steve pull his hands away. He realised he was shaking, and it took him a few more seconds to understand what was happening. Instantly, he thought of Morgan, eyes flitting around the room to look for her. Steve caught his hands and met his eyes.

“I sent her out to find Rhodey,” he murmured quietly, squeezing his hands.

Tony relaxed, breathing slowly out of his mouth. His eyes slid shut. He wanted to lie down and sleep forever, exhaustion catching up with him. “I don’t want to lose her, Steve.”

Steve didn’t say anything but when Tony opened his eyes, he saw the open concern and commiseration on his face. He felt his heart shatter. Steve’s eyes held no hope. Maybe it really was over. It had to be if Captain America didn’t trust in it anymore.

“You should talk to her, Tony,” he whispered softly. “I don’t think there’s anything that you can’t solve.”

And there was the hope that Tony was looking for. He felt some chord of resolve strengthen within him and take hold. How could he be scared if Steve chose to stand beside him? “Stay with us.”

“I don’t intend to leave. But I also don’t want to encroach. Talk to her.”

“I’ll try.”

“Do or do not, there’s no try.”

Steve laughed when Tony pushed him away, staring at him flatly. There was a frission of surprise and pride though.

“I will talk to her.”

“Okay, Tony.”

Steve was smiling. This was worth it.

Right?


	17. Before You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone’s trying to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely can’t keep track of time.

While Pepper had planned their wedding, the first log of wood that Tony had raised in his arms had taken more effort than he was used to. Building things was hard work and so was flying an alloy suit. So, Tony had always been strong, but a month in adverse conditions took something out of him. He was just glad to be home. His lost strength could be found. Building the house piece by piece had brought his strength back little by little. By the end of it, he was back at his earlier weight. And by the end of it, Pepper and he had a home.

Dust covered the surfaces when they finally arrived home after months of recalibration with the world. It was heralded as A Stark New World. Tony was finding it hard to reconcile it with the image of a world that had previously hated him and even shunned him. Honestly, he preferred it when they had called him the villain. Disappointing people was harder if they had no expectations to begin with. Besides, he took being set up to fail as a challenge.

When Tony had carved, sanded, painted and polished the banisters, he had sat down with Pepper to take a break. He wanted to tell her a story, barely able to stop himself from laughing at the memory. He had been five. He loved the library in the old Stark mansion the most. It had been where Jarvis sat with his tea and where Ana would knit him sweaters and scarves. But what he loved the most were the dark walnut wood banisters over the wide staircase that split into two on the upper deck of the library. The upper deck had a giant window seat smack dab in the middle of the wall with a circular window that overlooked the sprawling gardens. At night, he could even see the lit city against the sky. It was his safe space.

One day, he had felt up to trouble as he slung down the bannister. He tried every position possible; sitting up, lying on his back, lying on front, sitting sideways. Of course, when he tried to slide down sitting backwards, he couldn’t control his pace and fell down at the bottom of the stairs. He had intended to get back up and try again but his father found him. He had screamed himself hoarse at Tony. What he thought was a funny story had brought concern to Pepper’s face. She had touched his cheek and apologised fiercely. She had told him she loved him. It had left him shaken.

The words that Howard had screamed all those years ago had run through his mind again. _You’re useless! Spending your days busy in something that will earn you nothing! You’re in a library, Tony. Study here. Learn and become smarter! Instead you find ways to ruin even that. What if you broke your head when you did that? Huh? Who would explain that to your mother? All that potential! What was it that you were sliding down on, Tony? Tell me! Of course, you can’t! It’s called a bannister. You know what it stands for? Strength and honour and safety. You are going to amount to none of those, Tony! Nothing!_

He hadn’t known that he had remembered the words as well as he did. When he had finally put the stairs together, Tony had knocked them hard to test. Strength and honour and safety. That’s what he had decided to be for his family. For Pepper and for Rhodey. He had tried being that for the Avengers, but he had failed. But the Starks always rose from the ashes like a phoenix. When Morgan was born, these values increased tenfold. Pepper and Morgan were all Tony could think about.

So, Tony had built in his workshop. He had made Pepper a suit, he had repaired and updated Rhodey’s suit, he had made updates to Happy’s cars and he had built a suit for Morgan. Of course, Pepper never saw the suit and if Tony had it his way, she never would have. The suit was set to grow with Morgan; learn from her and find the best ways to protect her. It would be automatic till she could control it on her own. So, when Thanos came to earth for the second time, the suit had wrapped itself around Morgan like an old coat and kept her safe.

Tony was used to getting messages wrong, but he was sure that he had gotten this one right. Pepper had tried to correct him so many times. His own anger had tried to course correct him. He had so much proof of getting it wrong, but he had kept at it. He had decided to make the suit, almost leading to Pepper and Rhodey’s demise – he refused to apologise for Obadiah’s death. Then his own. Then Pepper again. He destroyed the suits then. He had been right but then he made it worse. So much worse with Ultron. He couldn’t build safety. He couldn’t build security.

Especially if he was so intent on sacrificing himself.

The guilt weighed him down now as they walked inside their bedroom. He side-eyed Pepper but she put her things down in the room. He breathed a sigh of relief. It felt like he was standing on a pair of train tracks and he had always known that the train would come but he hadn’t acknowledged it till it was right there. He had ruined this irrevocably. If he couldn’t be trusted to keep himself alive, if he was so ready to lay down his life without a thought of his wife or daughter, he didn’t deserve much consideration. Sure, he had saved the world.

But was it worth the cost?

~*~

Steve prided himself on his hearing abilities. When he had decided to move to the Starks’ farmhouse in Fairburn, Georgia with eight thousand acres of empty land that surrounded it, he hadn’t thought that silence could be oppressive. Even the ocean had sounds that woke him up at night. Sometimes he woke up in the maw of a singing whale, crushed to death on impact. But the world out there was silent. So, it was always jarring to hear things in the deep of the night.

He had always been a light sleeper, even when he had been young. Of course, the medicines and sedatives knocked him out sometimes but after the serum, he was lucky if he could sleep more than five hours in a night. But out here, he managed to sleep well into the morning when either Tony returned from the lab or Morgan woke up and Pepper started bustling around the house.

So, it was odd that he heard something at 3AM. Someone was moving around the kitchen and by the sounds of it reorganizing. They were trying to be quiet, however. Steve knew he couldn’t fall back asleep and the person downstairs was definitely an adult. Morgan generally went for the refrigerator. He was guilty for two popsicle runs. She was just too adorable.

He slipped out of his room and quietly made his way downstairs. He had expected to see Tony – maybe he had also wanted to. But he was shocked to see that it was Pepper. She jumped when she realised there was someone behind her, holding up the pan in her hand.

Steve held up his hands sheepishly and she lowered the pan, turning back around. She was in the process of pulling out all the utensils that they had and stacking them on the island methodically. Even in the glimpse that he had gotten of Pepper’s face, he could tell that she was exhausted. He had never seen her like this. In all the years of heart attacks that Tony had been hellbent on giving her, she had never looked so depleted. Her hair was thinner than ever and her eyes were sunken into her skull. She didn’t move like CEO Pepper Potts anymore. She didn’t even move like Tony’s wife or Morgan’s mother anymore.

Maybe Steve could understand some of that feeling of being lost.

“Pepper?” he murmured softly. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she answered, tossing him a smile over her shoulder.

Steve took a seat at the counter, hesitant. “Are you alright?”

“No.” She laughed humourlessly. Maybe it was because she was tired or she just needed someone to talk to but she was suddenly turning around and words came tumbling out of her mouth. “Steve, my husband almost died. He died. If he had, we would have been here. The world would be here, but he would be gone. I can’t sleep. Because every time I do, I think he’s gone, and I wake up terrified. I’m exhausted. I’m so tired… I… It sounds so awful and selfish. He saved the world and all I can think of is me. But, Steve… I need him. Morgan needs him. I’m not ready to let go of him yet. But I can’t be where he is without feeling like he’ll go and do something stupid again and I’ll lose him for good this time.”

“There’s nothing selfish about wanting your husband alive with you,” Steve told her, staunchly, slipping off the stool to stand in front of her.

Tears slipped down her face as she bit her lip. She tried to laugh it off, but it turned into a sob as she leaned into Steve, hiding her face in his chest. He gathered her close, feeling connected to her as he had never before.

“You’re handling it so well, though. I wish I…”

“Pepper, I’m terrified. I can’t leave his side even for a minute. I followed him home. There’s nothing okay about this. But he’s alive and that’s all we could have ever wanted.”

She nodded, thoughtfully, one hand distractedly rubbing his arm. He found it comforting.

“He’s retiring from the Avengers,” he reminded her gently.

She shrugged. “He destroyed his suits once.” Her mouth twisted into a dry smile, eyes meeting his. “He’s done this before but walked into the fire if it meant that the world could live.”

“You know he does it all for you. And now Morgan. I’m not trying to guilt you. This is not easy, Pepper. Especially not on you.”

She shook her head. “I trust your intentions, Steve. How could I not.” Sighing, she turned away. “I know his reasons. I _trust_ his reasons. But I… I don’t know how to make this okay. I really don’t.”

“Maybe there’s nothing wrong.”

She smiled slightly at him, running a single finger over the edge of the island. “I love him too much. Good night, Steve.” She kissed his forehead before she left.

Steve didn’t sleep at all that night. He spent time reorganising the kitchen and then reorganising it the second time. Pepper’s words ran through his mind in a loop.

_I love him too much._


	18. After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Pepper hate.

Tony followed Pepper to bed every night after they put Morgan to sleep. Like clockwork. Dinner with Steve, Morgan and Pepper followed by TV, Morgan’s commentary, Steve washing the dishes, Steve bidding them goodnight, putting Morgan to bed and then crawling into their own bed. Pepper would read for an hour. Tony would putter around on his hologram. If inspiration struck, which was less likely these days, he’d run off to the lab, but he didn’t have the stamina or the ignorance of his bodily needs like before, so he didn’t do it often. They’d try to sleep, sometimes close together; other times far apart. But every night at 3, Pepper would get up and leave. Neither of them slept.

At least he would pretend while she was there but with Pepper gone, he would just lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. He had fucked up the best relationship he had ever had in his life. The train was there, and he wasn’t ready to go. But he had no choice anymore. There were things he could have done to avoid this, but he had made all the wrong choices and now it was gone.

Was this how every messiah in history felt?

Was the fate of the world opposed to their personal heaven worth the choice?

Was it really their responsibility or their decision?

Where were the gods?

~*~

“I want to go back to New York.”

“Okay,” Tony replied, looking up from the circuit he had been working on.

Pepper never came to the workshop. She usually asked Friday for him.

“I… I want to be the Stark Industries CEO again. The… World is back, and renovations are going on. I just think that we should be in the thick of it. I… I’m still the CEO right?”

He smiled slightly. “Yes, Pepper. You’re the CEO.”

“I need you with me.”

“Why?” The word slipped out before he could stop himself. “I, uh. You’re right. The world needs new things and I can build them.”

“Tony?”

“Yes, Pepper?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

He didn’t look up this time, but he put down the screwdriver and breathed deeply. “Okay.” He knew she wanted more than this. He knew she wanted him to be so much more than this.

“Tony?” she repeated, voice heavy with emotion and a thread of desperation.

“Yes, Pepper?” he echoed; softer this time. He felt defeated.

“I love you,” she told him, indisputably.

Tony heard silence and glanced up, looking away quickly. He nodded, realising Pepper was expecting a response. He felt her walk closer and take his face gently in her hands. She forced him to meet her eyes. Tony remembered when she had asked to take a break from their relationship. She had been required in Germany, but she had flied down to talk to Tony in person. She was the best thing that had ever happened to Tony. He remembered how sad her eyes had looked but it was nothing compared to now. She looked wrecked; lost.

“I love you so much, Tony. But I can’t sleep because I keep waking up and you’re dead. I can’t live like that. Tony,” she leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Tony, I will always love you but something’s wrong with me. I need to get better. Tony, do you understand?”

Tony hummed wordlessly, tears slipping down his face. He reached up to wipe at his face, pulling away from Pepper.

“Tony, please?”

“Pep, I understand. I just… Need time.”

“Okay. Will you come with me to New York?”

“Of course. Morgan.”

“Will you stay at the Tower?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Tony?”

“Yes, Pepper?”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

~*~


	19. Ready Player Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for this part. I think I had written more but I genuinely can’t remember and that is stuck on my laptop that is left in my apartment. I’ll update if I missed anything. Hopefully I didn’t.

Within a week, Pepper was back in New York and back in the news. She took the business world by storm entering as the CEO of Stark Industries. Repair work had already started along with production. People were getting their jobs back and salaries were disbursed instantly to help everyone get back on their feet. Stark Industries returning to the forefront of the business world was all everyone needed for a confidence boost.

Wherever Pepper went, the world looked. Nobody thought to question the lack of Tony. So, Tony, Morgan and Steve were able to stay at the cabin till Tony and Morgan had her join school in New York. They still had to decide the living arrangements, but they were taking those discussions slow.

The day Pepper left; Tony was gone. He was present in the living room physically, but Steve could tell that a part of his soul had left with his wife. Steve had tried to sit beside him and offer help wordlessly, but Tony had shaken his head.

“Could you please look after Morgan?” he had asked, getting up with a grimace.

Steve had reached out to help but Tony had waved him away. “Of course.”

“I’m going to be in my room.”

“Call me if you need me.”

Tony had smiled slightly, though, it faded quickly.

Steve had taken it upon himself to wake Morgan up, make her breakfast and accompany her in watching the morning cartoons. She busied herself with a book when Steve took over washing the dishes, considering his options. On the one hand, Tony had always liked to deal with emotional issues alone and he had asked for his own time. On the other hand, he had to look over Morgan and she couldn’t know how distraught her father was. Pepper had talked to her before she left. Morgan had cried the entire night. However, now she was quiet.

“Steve?”

Steve turned around to face Morgan standing near the island. She was holding the hand of her rabbit plush, dragging it across the floor with her. He kneeled in front of her. Her lower lip started to quiver, and she pushed her way between his arms. He gathered her close, lifting her up as he stood up. Carrying her to the couch, he settled there. She wasn’t crying even though she looked distraught.

“Daddy’s sad,” she mumbled eventually.

Steve knew that there was point pretending otherwise. “He is. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t make him sad.”

“I didn’t.”

“Mom did.”

“Morgan, why do you say that?”

“She left.”

“She hasn’t left you,” Steve told her, taking her chin gently in his hand. “She could never leave you. She had somewhere important to be for now. Like your Daddy did a few months ago. Remember?”

She nodded.

“Do you agree that he had somewhere to be but that he’d never choose any side that wasn’t by yours?”

She shrugged.

“He wouldn’t,” he reassured. “Neither would your mother. You shouldn’t have to… You shouldn’t have to learn this now or ever. But sometimes people fall apart. Your mother and your father love each other very much. They love you very much too.”

“Then why did Mom leave?”

“Do you know that tree in your garden?”

“The one-two tree?”

“That one. It was growing as one but then it broke into two, right?”

“Yes.”

“Your parents were happy together and then they found that they would be happier apart. But they share the same light, the same water, the same soil, the same nutrients. They love each other. They love you. They want to be happy. And they want you to be happy.”

Her face crumpled and she started to cry in earnest, hiding her face in his chest. Kissing her head, he held her close.

“I love you so much, Morgan. I’m sorry.”

“I want my mommy and daddy.”

“Oh, darling. They will be never be too far away from you.”

“You promise?”

“I do.”

“Okay, Steve.”

~*~

It was evening by the time Morgan decided she needed a nap. She had been crying on and off the entire day, sitting curled up in Steve’s lap. She had barely been able to open her eyes by the time it turned five. He had just exited her room when the door opened and Rhodey burst in. He stared at Steve for a long moment before pushing past him on the stairs and making his way to Tony’s room. Steve could only guess that it was Pepper who told him.

~*~

Tony was on his fifth spiral down the rabbit hole of his existence. He had wanted to spend the day with Morgan but once he realised that Steve would be there, he had also come to the conclusion that he was in no shape to be around his child. Usually he found peace in his workshop, but his mind refused to cooperate no matter how many holographs he opened with new and old ideas. He tried to work on a circuit board lying on his bedside table but that led to spiral number three, so he had to put it away. Lying in bed, restless, was awful but he had to wait for the sweet release of dissociation or death.

He had half a mind to call Pepper or Steve, but he didn’t do either. He couldn’t think about bothering Pepper without a bad taste in his mouth and Steve was busy with Morgan. He had seen her hanging by the stairs when Steve had dropped his lunch to his room. And, well, his best option was Rhodey, but the man’s phone was switched off.

When the door opened, he understood why.

“You flew here?” Tony asked instead of greeting him.

Rhodey nodded, climbing up on the bed and pulling Tony into a hug.

Tony couldn’t help the sob that escaped his mouth then. Once he started, he couldn’t stop, clinging onto Rhodey and crying into his shoulder. Rhodey held him close to his shoulder, rubbing the back of his head. He didn’t use placating words or shush Tony. He just held on with all the strength he had. Tony could always trust Rhodey to know what was best for him. So, he let Rhodey take over. He brought them dinner, put on the movie and even spooned Tony after they were done.

“I must be really lucky,” Tony tried to joke but it came out high pitched and reedy. 

“You are,” Rhodey replied, stroking his arm. “You have Morgan. Your beautiful smart daughter. You have me. Your amazing best friend. You have Happy. Your absolutely loyal second best friend. ‘Second’ being the operating word. You even have Pepper. Your most functional best friend.”

Tony huffed softly and closed his eyes. “I love you, Honeybear.”

“I love you too, Tony Stank.”

~*~

Tony didn’t have to struggle much to unentangle himself from Rhodey. Over the course of the night, his best friend had managed to push him to the edge of the bed, spread over the rest of the bed like a helicopter. Tony smiled at his form, feeling gratitude spill through him. He was so lucky to have him and Pepper who had sent him here. Rhodey didn’t have to tell him for Tony to know. If he was being honest with himself, he had known that Rhodey would be there. Pepper needed solitude and work to keep herself occupied. Tony would throw himself into work too but whether he liked it or not, he needed companionship.

Tony pressed a kiss to Rhodey’s cheek before getting up and trudging to the bathroom to ready himself for the day. When he made his way downstairs, Steve was already in the kitchen, washing the dishes from the night before. Tony noticed the dishes that Rhodey and he had used. He felt an inexplicable emotion flood through him. There was gratitude, of course. But he couldn’t help but think back to the times he had imagined this. It had been a long time since he had imagined Steve so… Domestically. And that was the depth of the issue wasn’t it? He had never just thought of Steve as a friend or an attractive person, but as someone he could spend the rest of his life with.

Objectively, Tony was lucky to have two people like that in his life. But it made him feel vulnerable. One of them had already left and no matter what the others had told him, he knew that this was on him. Solely. He had made the wrong choices. He just hoped that he could save Morgan in all of this.

“Steve?” He called out softly, clearing his sleep rough throat.

Steve turned around with a soft smile. He had already heard him. “Good morning, Tony.”

Tony went closer to him like iron to a magnet, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist. He closed his eyes, his head resting against Steve’s clavicle, face turned away from him. He felt Steve wipe his wet hands on the washcloth before wrapping his arms around Tony, one hand cupping the back of his head.

“Thank you for looking after Morgan.”

“It’s not hard, Tony. She’s an amazing child.”

“She really is.”

He fell quiet, soaking in the feeling of being held close by someone who loved him.

“I miss her, Steve.”

“I know.”

“I love her, Steve,” he continued, breath hitching.

Steve held him closer, head bowing against Tony’s. “I know, Tony.”

He sounded so despaired. For Tony. Not jealous. As though he felt bad for Tony. Which he probably did. Oh, Tony didn’t deserve these people in his life.

For a long moment, Tony never wanted to let Steve go but he had to, so, he stepped back. However, he remained in the circle of Steve’s arms, looking up at him. Lit up by the warm sunlight, the planes of his face looked beautiful. Steve could manage to look so young and old at the same time. He saw a light go up in Steve’s eyes even before he said anything and felt his lips curl into a smile in response. They knew each other so well. They always had, working on missions and strategies together. They rarely ever needed words to complete each other’s thoughts.

“Who does Gerald go to now?” Steve murmured; mischief evident on his face.

Tony let out a bark of laughter, looking out the window at Gerald with his face in a bowl. He was eating with deep concentration. He turned to smile at Steve. “Thanks for taking care of my other child. And I think he’ll be uncomfortable at the Tower.”

“Are you moving back to the Tower?”

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“We?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Tony’s heart stuttered but he recovered quickly. He had a million questions he should have asked but he didn’t want to. “I love you, Steve,” he whispered like a benediction. Maybe this would never be more than platonic, but Tony realised that it was enough.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments.

**Author's Note:**

> [https://www.huffingtonpost.in/2015/06/30/america-tattoo-history_n_7690424.html]
> 
> I researched a lot for this chapter.


End file.
